The Most Magical Time of Year

It’s said that the holidays are the Most Magical Time of the Year.

My horoscope had foretold that there would be peace among everyone gathering at the table this season.

For Christmas I was given a gift card. I figured out how to use it on the internet to buy rainbow moonstone stud earrings.

As 2023 nears I’m grateful to end this year with renewed gratefulness for my good fortune.

I urge readers to live with gratitude. Even for the inevitable trials we all face I say: be grateful for the hard times as well as the beauties.

2023 I envision as the Year of Reflection. The time to examine where we want to go and what we want to do.

My New Year’s Resolution is to buy a skateboard. To practice rolling on the asphalt roadway in the park. At 13 years old I had a red skateboard. Rolling down the hilly streets where I lived gave me joy.

Not doing an ollie or other explosive move I simply loved rolling along.

Remembering this short-lived hobby I got the idea to buy a skateboard. Why can’t a 57-year old woman skate? is what I thought.

A Generation X girl living in her Third Chapter I’m on a kick of self-reinvention. My motto is risk, fail, rise up, repeat.

What gave us joy when we were younger should not be ruled out as a hobby in the 25 years after 50.

Too often we become adults and abandon the happy-makers because we think we should do what everyone else tells us we’re supposed to do to be successful and be accepted.

No–I was miserable living in the mainstream in the years I thought I should try to have a normal life.

Decades later realizing that the only way I would be happy was to live my life Left of the Dial.

In this last week of 2022 I urge readers to join me in renouncing the tried-and-often-(not)-true approaches to living our lives.

For my birthday I’m going to buy a skateboard. Watch YouTube videos on beginner skateboarding techniques.

Watch out as this Skate Girl rolls in the park in the spring.

I hope my blogging gives you the courage to try something new (or return to something that gave you joy).

This really is the Most Magical Time of the Year when we’re getting ready for 2023 and the possibilities that beckon.

Risk, fail, rise up, repeat. If you ask me that’s the only way to live going forward.

Pretty Good Advice

In her book Pretty Good Advice: For People Who Dream Big and Work Harder Leslie Blodgett wrote: “When you see beauty you become beautiful.”

The author is the founder of Bare Minerals the makeup line. I recommend you buy her book which is why I quote from it.

As the year ends I’ll quote another beauty–South Korean model Sora Choi who was quoted:

“To me, beauty is when a person is living and embodying their truth, no matter what that is.”

On the cusp of 58 I’ve learned that no one else gets to speak for me. Only I can speak my truth, or else others will impose on the world their view of who they think I am.

2023 I envision as the year when everyone is free to live and embody our truth freely and fearlessly.

We should be acting to lift each other up. Not cutting each other down. I stopped reading editorials because the hateful rhetoric only serves to divide people instead of bringing us together.

Believing is seeing. Believing that others are beautiful you will see the beauty in everyone.

It starts will looking in the mirror and feeling that you are beautiful.

I’m no saint. I won’t be exercising this week. I view this lapse like taking a holiday vacation week.

If I could give my own Pretty Good Advice I would end here with:

The two foolproof ways to achieve any goal–even a New Year’s resolution coming up–are to understand that change will happen incrementally. And that compromise is called for when you can’t do what you want to do in one day or in one week.

Lastly:

It’s time to unshackle ourselves from self-limiting beliefs. Internalizing shame about who we are will rob us of the energy to set goals and go after them with gusto.

2023 is going to be even better than 2022 was. I firmly believe that whatever happens in our lives we can live through it and emerge stronger and better.

Hiding our light is no way to live. Beating ourselves up because we feel like we’re a failure is no way to live.

I urge followers to see the beauty in yourself and everyone else.

Together we can move mountains of hate. We can create the world we would like to see.

More coming up on what I’m doing to shift the needle toward love and forgiveness.

No Hello Kitty

The Italian written on the Davines holiday box stated the hair products were for capelli indisciplinati. The Italian word for frizzy hair sounded like undisciplined–which described my incorrigible hair.

So, I was willing to save up the $75 to buy the shampoo conditioner and leave-in treatment that might just help my hair blossom into gorgeous after all these years.

Who exactly did I want to look beautiful for?: Every guy I sent a message to on OKCupid ghosted me after my second response. I got the idea that circa 2022 things hadn’t changed: It was okay for a woman to open her mouth to kiss not speak.

My photogenic face compelled men to click “like” on my profile. A few guys went further and sent messages. What’s with the “likes” guys? If you like a woman, send her a message–don’t be coy. We’re not communicating via the Pony Express–this is 2022.

I got the idea that they were shocked when a pretty face had something intelligent to say. Not what they were expecting Cupid to shoot them with?

Getting ghosted. Every. Single. Time. I got the hint and canceled my account.

Not relishing spending an hour or two every day reading match profiles to see who I wanted to send messages to. Acting as a caregiver to your mother you have no energy or time left over to conduct love combat in the hopes of getting one man in your scope.

Pat Benatar got it right: “Love is a Battlefield.” It doesn’t have to be this way.

Living my life Left of the Dial I’ll use the hair products for my own joy and love.

What was I going to do instead of hunting for a boyfriend? I’ve begun sending emails to my Republican congressperson asking her to do the right thing on humanitarian causes.

One January night 12 years ago I attended a candlelight MLK Vigil for Peace. Five of us–I had thought hundreds would show up–stood in a triangle park holding lit votive candles.

My candle fell on the cement path and broke. After giving the host of the vigil my email account ever since then I’ve been sent in my inbox pleas to act on social justice issues.

Ever since Mr. Toupee–my nickname for Donald Trump–became president the emails have escalated. LL Cool Joe–President Biden–has been no saint either.

Sending messages to Nicole CacaCola–my moniker for Malliotakis the Republican who won the election–is my way of participating in our Democracy.

A girl in the world who’s an Activist I can’t get any play on OKCupid. The men want to Meet Cute. Then when they find out I’m No Hello Kitty they bolt.

This holiday season since I have no love interest–I’m going to wash the men right out of my hair–and wash and condition my hair with the Davines products.

What’s cooking in my Protest Kitchen? Peace Love and Happiness.

This is what the world needs. We don’t need endless wars, bipartisan bickering, and the ongoing hate.

Have something to say. This is what I would tell readers: use your lovely lips to speak out.

Our time is here. We have the opportunity to change society for the better.

Whether or not our hair is frizzy. And whether or not other people like that we have loud mouths.

The Black Feminist Project

Tanya Fields the founder of the Black Feminist Project in the Bronx, NY was interviewed in Women’s Health magazine.

What she said: “It’s a little ridiculous for people to see activism as a job as opposed to a responsibility to create a better world.”

Tanya Fields launched Black Joy Farm. On a sliding-scale fee families can have fresh fruits and vegetables delivered in their South Bronx neighborhood.

What if activism was no longer needed because there was no injustice anymore? Then the task for humanitarians would be uplifting others in different ways. Like doing motivational speaking to inspire teens to graduate high school.

There’s likely always going to be a cause to advocate for. The Tanya Fields activists of the world deserve credit for making their corner of the world a better place.

You can log on to The Black Feminist Project to donate money and buy their tee shirt and read about the nonprofit.

Something to think about as holiday time nears.

Nail Polish Nirvana

I turn 58 in the spring. With the prospect of my life getting shorter I have the urge to Dare Beautiful Girl. Like the words on three poetry dog tags I inserted in a ball chain to create a jewelry poem.

In keeping with this I’m emailing elected leaders on issues that should be taken up. Like acting on the 100+ year-old promise to give the Cherokee Nation a seat in Congress.

Elsewhere what I’m doing points to the fact that a person is not ever too old to change their tune.

All my life I’ve only used clear nail polish to give myself a manicure.

This week I didn’t want my talking hands to fade into the woodwork either.

Confetti-sparkle nail polish to the rescue.

Out of the blue I craved color on my hands to express a lively feeling.

Wit happens when you’re 57.

I see the world differently than I did at 27.

It’s called risking. And risking that my nail polish might chip.

This is neither here nor there in the scheme of world peace.

Yet anything that would make the trial of being a caregiver today worth it I’ll take.

We should cherish that our mother or father is still alive. Forgive them if we must for how our childhoods were.

Often: “The pain is real” as the expression goes. Whatever trial we’re going through I say:

To turn an ordinary day into a celebration buy that $5 bottle of nail polish.

What I would like to do when I retire is volunteer my time to take individuals with disabilities to Sephora. To pay for them to get a makeover.

Neon green nails here I come!

Change of Life Change of Outlook

I should not be so nonchalant about telling people my age–57.

Yet living through “the change of life” is central to what I want to say.

Dissatisfied I was reading the first few pages of No One Tells You This–the memoir of a 40-year old woman with no kids and no husband.

I’m writing a second memoir that I would like to publish within two years.

It’s about having my cake and celebrating each new birthday with glee not gloom.

No one talks about being a Generation X Girl living in menopause.

I will do this. Born in the first year of the Generation X cohort I don’t want to be rendered invisible.

Not everyone is a member of “the sandwich generation.” For those of us who are single our lives are often an “open-faced sandwich” acting as the caregiver without children of our own for a mother or father.

This time of life isn’t so terrible even though the pain can be real for a lot of us.

We have only this one lifetime. Use your regret as the catalyst for changing your life for the better. Today is the day to Just Do It.

It can seem like on one ordinary day you pivot on a dime. Most likely this urge was percolating in the coffee pot of your brain for a while. Until it reached the boiling point.

One day you choose to do something totally not like you. Unlike everything you’ve done before.

At 57 I’ve become electrified to Make It Happen–whatever I fancy I want to do before 60 kicks in.

Cherish 50 while it lasts. Grab the bull of life by the horns and ride wild. These can be the best years of our life. At 60 I imagine the bull will get tired of stampeding. Want to laze and graze in the grass.

Our fifties really are the Dangerous Decade. A lot of us are no longer satisfied with the way things are. We risk bending, breaking, and rewriting the rules.

Coming up: How at 57 I’ve become a quick-change artist.

How to Love Our Bodies

I’ve become fixated on dressing in clothes all over again.

The Science of Fitness special edition magazine has an article titled The Power of Body Neutrality.

The key takeaway of this featured article is that you don’t have to think positively about your body every hour of the day.

You might like your hands and not like your thighs. The Body Neutral movement espouses focusing on the parts of your body you really like.

Yes–I’m obsessed with my arms–one with its “kitchen scars” and all.

A surprise suggestion in The Power of Body Neutrality:

Rethink your clothes by sticking with styles you’re comfortable in.

To wit:

“It’s a simple step, but when we’re self-conscious about what we’re in, it just brings more awareness of ourselves to our bodies and what we don’t like about them.”

I for one cannot wear regular blue jeans and feel good.

The quote above from the Science of Fitness hammers home why it’s a mistake to buy clothes that have become popular without thinking of whether you’ll like wearing them once you’ve taken them home.

As I live on the cusp of 60 I’ve taken to rethinking how I want to dress. It might be that I will always dress like I’m a teenager regardless of my chronological age.

Proving that our real age is just a number and the size on a clothing tag is just a number.

If you like how you feel dressed in jeans that’s all that matters.

Loving our bodies is possible.

It’s a radical idea that fits into the Conscious Chic and eco-conscious clothing ethic: save money by buying only the clothes you’re comfortable in. In turn we save the planet and S.O.S.–Save Our Sanity by quieting the internal critic.

How a person dresses often reflects what’s going on internally. Another great reason to choose and use clothing items carefully to either amplify or alter our mood.

It’s true we should like what we’re wearing.

I’m going to take The Science of Fitness mantra above to heart.

Street Unicorns

I checked this new 2022 book out of the library.

Yes–one of the Bold Expressionists of Style(tm) wears a pink pant suit.

My fashion motto is: Dress like you give a frock.

To wit per author photographer Robbie Quinn:

“An individual needs real vulnerability to put themselves out there.”

One of the Bold Expressionists said they dressed in color because they had anxiety and depression.

In my life I find that everything I want to achieve first starts with changing how I dress.

In August two Salvation Army truck drivers carted off 4 donation bags of clothes.

Goodbye to the dull gray and brown items that sapped my energy wearing them. The colors you wear can impact how you feel.

Which must be why the Bold Expressionists often wear loud-and-proud colorful clothing items.

Since I donated the 4 bags I’ve broken my vow not to buy anything new. Adding a pair of silver boots and a pair of combat boots to my collection of shoes.

The older I’ve gotten I’ve become more obsessed with dressing up in clothes that make a statement.

In the 1980s I was a disc jockey on FM radio. Then I dressed in weird clothes and swiped on shocking makeup.

Browsing for unusual digs in Kiss Kiss Kill Kill the punk rock clothing emporium on Bay Street on Staten Island.

Do you readers ever think of the person you used to be when you were young? Or maybe some of you are young.

Nearing the cusp of 60 [in three years!] I find myself on a kick to reinvent how I dress in clothes.

Viewing the Bold Expressionists of Style(tm) in the book Street Unicorns brings joy to my heart.

No one should be afraid to dress to express their authentic self.

Even if for some of us that style is ordinary and not outrageous.

There’s no need to judge how a person looks–or looks in their clothes.

Dressing in clothes is a celebration of life.

The day you become who you are is the real birthday.

My cake has plenty of candles to blow out today.

How old are you? Whatever your age you should not give up on yourself.

My motto for how a person should approach living in their fifties is:

“There’s nothing I won’t wear, and I’ll try anything once.”

Attaining fashion freedom often unshackles us in other areas of our life.

I’ll end here by saying that the Street Unicorns emboldened me to live outside the box. I haven’t met a box I liked having to fit in.

23&Me

At first I thought DNA testing amounted to a parlor trick. Then I changed my mind. Sprung for a 23&Me DNA kit.

My intent in doing this was to connect with others. Be a citizen of the world.

My DNA composition:

95.2% Italian – Sicily + 9 other regions.

Western Asian and North African 4.5%

Northern West Asian 4.3%

Iranian Caucasian Mesopotamian 2.6%

Cypriot 1.4%

Broadly Northern West Asian 0.3%

Broadly Western Asian & Northern African 0.2%

Trace Ancestry: 0.2%

Unassigned: 0.1%

The weird facts section of the report was amusing:

45% chance of slightly wavy hair.

Yes I was born with wavy hair.

Think this percentage should’ve been higher given how unruly my curly “summer hair” is.

Coming into October my “winter hair” will be in effect–straight all day when I blow dry it.

Fear of public speaking:

Less likely to have a fear of public speaking.

Hello–I perform on stage at poetry readings. I do motivational speaking in front of audiences in rooms.

I recommend springing for this DNA testing. It’s a fun amusement more than anything.

The 23&Me DNA kit costs $99. Or $89 if like me a friend who used it gives you a discount code.

The Power of Plus

I checked this book out of the library.

At the same time I’ve been studying the topic of microaggressions too.

One common comment is “You’d be so pretty if_______.”

I don’t want to trigger followers by typing in the rest of the sentence.

Who in their right mind would think this is a kind and caring thing to say?

Why would they think only thin people are pretty?

In my view I don’t think most people need to lose weight. Some of us carry more weight on our frames.

The author of the Power of Plus is Gianluca Russo an Italian freelance journalist. He exposes the folly of the thin white-centric ideal of beauty that designers foist on fashion models and consumers.

Russo ends the book on a positive note quoting powerful ladies.

To get readers to buy the book or at least check it out of the library I will quote one section toward the end.

Per Russo:

“I never knew what it meant to live authentically until I entered the fashion industry…That is what the plus-size community has taught me: true self-expression is perhaps the strongest power to exist on earth.”

Right said Russo.

If you ask me followers it all comes down to self-expression being the pathway to success.

In 2015 when I published my memoir I was the first woman writing about mental health who talked about how self-expression via dressing in fashion helped her recover.

I knew this then and I know it now: individuality is what makes a person beautiful.

Why should any of us feel the need to conform to what’s viewed as normal or acceptable?

True self-expression is irresistible to others.

Become who you are. Regardless of whether people like this

Shrinking ourselves to make others feel better is no way to live.

Shine on fabulous ladies.