On Coveting Beautiful Things

The book above I read in five hours. The author mines her personal history as a depressed teen slathering on makeup and collecting seashells to plumb the perils of hoarding beautiful things.

Those marble countertops in the kitchens of the rich homeowners she profiles for a design magazine come with a high cost. The illiterate Latino men who work in the marble factories get ill inhaling the silica dust and can even die from lung disease.

Those dozen red roses appearing on Valentine’s Day every year are cut and harvested with modern slave labor. My Romeo doesn’t have to give me roses.

At the end of the book the author cops to her everlasting infatuation with the cut flowers and her sooty mascara.

What’s a gal or guy or even a person who doesn’t identify as either supposed to do when we’re attracted to glitter born of gloom?

My plan is to plunk down cash on only two new tee shirts for my summer wardrobe. Those velvet-flocked hangers are a curse because they allow you to cram tons of clothes into your closet.

Reading The Ugly History of Beautiful Things I had an intense distaste for the colonizers and their dirty deeds in trading with countries like China and India in the 1700s and 1800s. The author details how explorers along the Silk Road were nefarious in treating the native people. This is the ugly history of consumption.

How to sparkle and shine and buy cut flowers with impunity? It hinges on advocating for worker’s rights first of all. Voting with our wallets.

It comes down to what I wrote about in my health and fitness blog: I promoted there my Little Bites philosophy of not biting off more than you can chew and consuming everything in moderation.

This is borne out by research that the authors of Happy Money cite: The fewer items you have the more you’ll like each one.

Let’s go for a little glam as a special treat and opt out of overconsumption. Our wallets are not bottomless wells. Our joy can be infinite with consideration of the ugly history of beautiful things before we take home everything that attracts us.

I confess that it’s all too easy to experience overwhelm seeing the overstuffed closet. The rod to hell is paved with unused purchases.

My hope is that I can give followers hope: Once you Just Say No to impulse buying that overwhelm should be reduced if not totally end. I know that I saved my sanity when I carefully considered what I wanted to buy. No more heading to the register with whatever catches my eye!

In this regard a new book about the art of dressing that I’m reading now I’ll review soon. We really don’t need 500 items of clothing clogging our closets and dumped in our dresser drawers.

I feel like I’ve been a broken record in writing about this too. Perhaps though it can be a refresher to boost our confidence. Too often too many of us do what we think we’re supposed to do and follow along in doing what’s popular like loading up on fashion loot. To get other people’s approval we often mirror what they’re doing.

So I’d like this blog entry to be a liberating voice of hope that gives followers permission to say: “No way. I can do without that latest gimcrack and still be happy.”

Sparkle and Shine

The Breathe magazine Building Better Habits edition has a feature article titled Dressing the Part. About choosing outfits to improve your mood.

Per the editors:

“When you add a bit of sparkle, even it it’s just putting on a necklace with your T-shirt, you can feel more sparkling in life.”

There’s proof of this in real life. Take this: One day a person canceled our plans. Imagine getting dressed up then having nowhere to go.

It makes a positive difference on an ordinary day to be sitting on the couch in elevated clothes.

For those of us who can’t afford a $150/therapy session dressing up on the regular can’t be beat.

Though if you have clinical depression or otherwise need professional help I say reach out to find out where you can get that help.

With another birthday coming on I have what could be considering a shocking confession: In my life other things are taking priority.

It goes without saying that I’ll always make the effort to dress well.

Only today I realize that when so much going on in the world is not right there’s no shame in taking a beat to accept this tenet:

Everyone living on earth is doing the best we can with what we were given.

On a day that the shoes are not shined or our hair doesn’t look like a Drybar salon blowout: This is OK folks.

What this sad and at times screwed-up world needs is for us to understand that not everyone is going to show up dressed for an event when there’s no event.

To have compassion should be expected. Besides who wants to rack up debt buying clothes if it means we can’t afford to retire from our jobs at a decent age.

That said I’ll take the necklace to make an outfit sparkle so that I feel sparkling.

This chain reaction doesn’t have to cost $1,000 for the hardware.

There’s no shame in this love of adornment either.

Shine on!

Driven by Design

I recommend watching the 3-part Netflix documentary Victoria Beckham. Those of us who are driven will likely relate to the fashion designer’s ethic. The former Posh Spice was driven by design to create her own clothing line.

Victoria is an Aries if that is of interest to anyone. Her self-reinvention is a case study in designing a life for yourself linked to your passion.

Beckham was derided as another celebrity-turned-fashion designer like Jessica Simpson. Hey I used to have a tan Jessica Simpson bucket bag. I bought the pocketbook for its style not namesake.

The Victoria Beckham story was empowering. Of course who can afford her clothes but that’s another story.

She’s known for her smoky eye. A former WAG (wife and girlfriend) Victoria is the other half of soccer star David Beckham. She won an Entrepreneur of the Year award.

Instead of being jealous of other women or cutting them down it’s time to revel in each other’s beauty. To see each other as we want to be seen not as the enemy or oppressor.

Bootstraps are beautiful on everyone. And for those of us who could use a lift I say extend a hand.

Not everyone is driven. That’s OK too. It can still be empowering to watch this Netflix series.

Breaking My Fashion Vow

The green sweater that I bought in a PXS arrived in a PM a petite medium not extra small. So I returned it for a credit. Even in a PXS I wouldn’t have kept the sweater. The color green was not attractive and the metallic threads in the sweater looked like tinsel. So I sent it back.

Owing to donating a second sweater to the thrift shop I bought a different metallic sweater in a PS. Too big I sent it back for the PXS. I have the opposite effect of most women in feeling like I’m The Incredible Shrinking Woman.

The older we get us women can literally shrink and get shorter if not slimmer. I’m only 5’0″ tall. I would not like to think I’m going to lose an inch or two in height.

This week I had an epiphany: that every clothing item we buy should be a “Wow!” I call this refining our approach. Engaging in “collecting” clothes not shopping for them. Buying an item after careful and measured consideration.

I wasn’t the one to invent the concept of having a Word of the Year. Another Fashionista did. Yet I’m picking up on this. My Word of the Year is Refine.

To refine how I shop and what I buy definitely. Also to refine what I expect from people and to refine what I think I’m capable of.

Holding everyone to an impossible standard–even expecting yourself to live up to this ideal– is going to cause all of us to be unhappy and resentful.

Far better to embrace a fluid way of life where we accept the changeable nature of who we are and how we live and of others along these lines too.

For one I bought 2 fancy sweaters at a reduced cost. Paying $56 total. I also bought a red handbag when I discarded the 3 pocketbooks.

We can get bored wearing the same clothing items over and over. The winter is cold and can be dark. It can cause seasonal sadness. Buying “things” won’t improve our mood per se. Yet getting two new clothing items can give us a lift when we wear them with clothes we already own.

I rarely buy more than 2 clothing items each season anyway. This is why we should fill in the gaps in our wardrobe with stunners that we’ll look good and feel good in. Again collecting not shopping impulsively.

Buying 2 “Wow!” items instead of 5 or 6 mediocre “Okay, I’ll take it” items after a casual shopping trip to the mall or after an online spending spree.

Heck–I also bought a denim midi skirt. Out out is going in the garbage a cotton knit ankle skirt I’ve had for too long to remember how long.

As I approach turning 60 I’m struck with the idea that a woman–everyone of any gender gender expression really–should be good to themselves as they get older.

Post-50 is not the time to settle for less. It’s the time to expect good things for ourselves. Not impossible feats. Good things. There’s a difference.

So understanding that each of us is doing the best we can with what we were given. That maybe when you meet the love of your life it’s OK to want to buy a fancy new frock to paint the town with this person.

I’m padlocking my pocketbook after these purchases. The dilemma I have is what kind of gift to get myself for my 60th birthday.

I’m thinking jewelry.

Sartorial Self-Care

One way to defy the womanly norms expected of us in the patriarchy is to dress to please ourselves. No man is worth starving ourselves and becoming precariously thin for.

In coming blog entries I’ll talk about weight again. In here I’m going to write about real life-affirming self-care.

Years ago I thought the Visual Therapy Style Quiz was fascinating. Then I became disillusioned with it as I wasn’t satisfied with the outcome.

At the time it was like I was going through an existential fashion crisis by wondering what my style type was and should be.

Enter Allison Bornstein and her Three Word Method. She advocates that your Style is found by examining the clothes already hanging in your closet.

After two weeks I figured out my three words were Chic Quirky Confident.

Sartorial self-care can be the most joyous form of loving, accepting, and nurturing our authentic selves–and bodies at the weight we are today.

As a 200-pound woman when you dress sharp not only can you feel better you can inspire other 200-pound women to feel good and be confident in their bodies.

Having clothing confidence is not frivolous and isn’t shameful. The way to like ourselves is to dress in the ways that make us happy.

I for one don’t follow fashion trends unless I truly like the color or clothing items being touted.

When dressing up gives us such joy and happiness no one else should be judging us for liking fashion.

Turning to a clothing rack when the going gets tough can really be a form of self-care that sustains us.

In fact it can help us feel better when we’re not rail-thin!

The Beauty Issue

The current Harper’s Bazaar is the Beauty Issue. Ever since Samir Nasr was elevated to Editor-in-Chief of Harper’s Bazaar the magazine has gotten better. I like HB more than Vogue. HB features social justice articles together with fashion columns.

Ever month I turn to the Market Memo and other pages in The Bazaar section of the magazine. It’s a great way to get inspiration for new outfits to create by “shopping in my closet.”

I’m set to read the book I Survived Capitalism and All I Got was This Lousy Tee Shirt. It’s geared to Gen Z and Millennials yet I’m going to read it soon.

In a future blog entry I will talk about a better alternative to consumerism that I will title Sustain-Ability. The average person according to research buys 63 or 66 items of clothing every year. How is this possible?

I’m going to write about Sustain-Ability which is also Beauty in its own way. I will detail how spring cleaning has become a thing of the past for me.

In the coming blog entry I will talk about a book I bought for my birthday from Barnes & Noble. Reading this guide kickstarted my focus on Sustain-Ability.

Project 333 Clothes Encounters

After reading Project 333 I thought long and hard about when we should welcome discomfort versus when it’s better to feel confident.

Ultimately feeling good in our clothes is what we should strive for. Thinking about using a capsule wardrobe I realized that each of us should dress to please ourselves. We don’t need to step out in clothing trends or outlandish outfits.

Dressing in clothes that are ill-fitting, make you appear sick or tired, or that you’re simply not comfortable in is a mistake. It’s the surefire way to feel miserable all day.

Breaking the fashion rules and other rules can be fun and is often necessary. Isn’t it likely that other people expect us to conform to how they think we should behave precisely because they have their own insecurities they can’t live with. They want us to be company in their misery.

Courtney Carver frowns on thinking you have to do things perfectly.

No—I didn’t follow the guidelines to the letter. You can revise how you execute Project 333. My collection is geared to 39 to 44 items so technically you could call it Project 339 or 344.

Plus there are about ten or eleven items of clothing that I don’t wear that I haven’t discarded or donated. They don’t get in the way of reaching for the ones that I want to wear. So they stay for now.

My jewelry items are listed separately and Courtney said that’s OK. Nor do I count hats tote bags coats pocketbooks or bandannas.

In the summer I list under one item number each my black and white tee shirts. Since they are basics and I own three or four of each color. Those tee shirts get worn-out fast so it’s fine to rotate wearing more than one. Then list in the 33 only one white tee and one black tee when you actually use more.

The alternative is to wear only one white and one black tee shirt. Discard them at the end of the season when they get grubby. Then buy one new tee each summer.

Again Courtney Carver wrote that you don’t have to do this in a perfect way or follow her 33 guideline to the letter.

Coming up my winter capsule wardrobe.

True Style

The second book I checked out of the library was True Style is What’s Underneath: The Self-Acceptance Revolution.

A candidate for a PhD on recovery interviewed me. She asked what I thought the most positive thing was that came from being unwell.

“I value difference,” I told her.

The unique individuals in this guide take off where the others started in the Street Unicorns: Bold Expressionists of Style book I reviewed in a blog entry earlier.

Authors Lily and Elisa had the calling “to uncover what’s underneath authentic style, helping to build a world where getting dressed each morning is an act of self-love.”

I’ll quote from individuals featured in the book as the sparkplug to ignite readers to buy True Style.

Jillian Mercado:

“If you never had to struggle or fight for anything in your life, how could you know who you are and what you’re made of?

If you’re different, that’s sunlight in somebody’s world.”

Tallulah Willis:

“I always say, ‘You know the feeling you’re supposed to have on your wedding day, that you feel like a princess? Why not have that every day?'”

Little old blogger Christina would rather be the sunlight. Not a tornado.

How to Date Your Wardrobe

How to Date Your Wardrobe is a gift book hardcover packed with ideas and insight.

Page 79 sums up author Heather Newberger’s ethic:

“Instead of wasting your time wishing you were a different person, it’s important for all of us to let go of who we think we should be–so that we may enjoy the individuals we already are.”

This sentence has haunted me as it gets at what I’ve been reckoning with in my life. As hard as it can be to act true to ourselves in a society where you’ve expected to conform, I say being who you are is the only way to succeed in life.

The new electric purple lipstick I bought tells it like I am: The shade is called Unconventional Babe.

As sixty beckons for a lot of us it’s the time to do things differently. I recommend trying out a new haircut or taking up a hobby like cooking or starting to exercise.

It’s the perfect time to date your wardrobe and “revive, revitalize, and reinvigorate your style” like Heather Newberger advocates.

Simply creating new outfits has improved my outlook and given me incomparable joy.

Forget following fashion trends. If you don’t feel comfortable in what you’re wearing you won’t feel good or look good either.

I bought this book and refer to it often.

It’s my contention that when things aren’t going right in your life doing what comes easy to you that you like doing will save you from sinking into despair.

In one instant I changed my thinking. Talking about clothes and fashion isn’t frivolous when doing so can lift up others.

Men are not given grief for talking about and following sports.

Why should women be tsk-tsked for talking about dressing up and enjoying clothes?

I tell you it was liberating to get rid of the donation bags.

When you finally own only what you love to wear it makes getting dressed easier.

Seeing those beauties in my closet puts a smile on my face.

Read How to Date Your Wardrobe. Doing so you just might realize that changing your view of yourself can be as simple as changing what you wear.

Sundressed

The 2023 book above I checked out of the library.

The author advocates for wearing natural fabrics that make us feel good wearing them.

She picks up where Maxine Bedat left off in Unravelled: The Life and Death of a Garment.

Lucianne Tonti explores the production process of wool, cotton, silk, linen and other natural fabrics.

How the creating buying and long-term wear of these clothes can be made truly sustainable with regenerative farming of flax cotton and sheep.

After reading Sundressed I knew that as sound as my habits have become I could do more going forward.

Dismayed I was to realize a costly J.Crew coat I bought (at a reduced yet not cheap cost) was not 100 percent wool.

Sometimes it takes reading a book or overhearing a conversation on the train to get a light bulb to go off in your head.