Category: Uncategorized

Autism Acceptance Month

I’ve been schooled in how to refer to April: as Autism Acceptance Month not Awareness Month.

Self-advocates think having awareness of autism is only a halfway measure—almost there. Autism advocates prefer the term Acceptance. At first I didn’t understand this because not everyone with autism does well.

It comes down to seeing the glass as half full (not half empty) and wanting to drink up. Advocates attribute their strengths to their autism. These advocates don’t see their illness as a tragedy even though there are struggles. They choose to focus on the positive.

The term is neurodiversity with typical and atypical expressions of this.

Those of us with an MH diagnosis need to get over our self-stigma surrounding the medical terms used to describe our condition. You don’t see advocates lobbying to change the name autism to something else. They accept what happened to them and advocate for full inclusion in society—something I did decades ago in the 1990s for MH peers.

Hell yes though—I’d be the first in line if a cure for SZ was available. I’m not one of the “I love my disability” folk.

No—I wouldn’t wish SZ symptoms on anyone as a permanent lifelong mental state. Having been there, I understand what it’s like. Having lived through the worst I would rather be in remission than symptomatic.

Give me a cure—okay? Give me the term SZ any day. Are people still spooked to have a diagnosis? In the early 2000s I railed against this and lobbied for acceptance.

Readers—I urge you not to get twisted over having a diagnosis. Next month I will advocate for changing May’s theme to Mental Health Acceptance Month.

We need to do this because without acceptance full inclusion remains a hollow dream. It isn’t the end for outsiders to have awareness. Awareness is only the beginning. Acceptance is the goal.

We need to accept the role the MH condition plays in our lives. This doesn’t signal that we have to like having an illness. No–I don’t like having an illness.

Yet hey, I say take a tip from the autism self-advocates: lobby for acceptance and inclusion.

Focusing on how having an illness has given us strengths sure beats dwelling on the negative.

I might not like having a diagnosis. Yet I appreciate all the good things I’ve gotten and that I’ve done because of it.

 

Spring Cleaning Outside of the Closet

The spring is the perfect time to start over.

Outside of the closet sometimes you have to cull your beliefs or your relationships as well as your clothes.

It’s not easy to let go of a friend or lover yet at times you must to reclaim your sanity.

It’s possible this person’s trash talk towards you has depleted you of energy.

I call such people “energy vampires” because they steal any good feeling you have about yourself.

Each of us deserves better. We deserve to be treated with kindness and empathy.

You can feel like you’re all alone after a breakup. Yet remember: their negativity is no longer seeping into you.

It comes down to what you’re comfortable with.

It might surprise readers yet a couple of years ago I decided to fade away from a person who made an objectionable racist comment out loud when we were in public together.

I felt it wasn’t right what they said. I won’t repeat the comment and this is because I don’t want to set off readers.

We need to lift each other up not bring each other down.

Our friends shouldn’t verbally attack us. They shouldn’t attack other people.

As hard as it can be to let go I’ll end here with this:

You can meet a new friend or lover in due season.

I’ll be 53 in April–I’ve been around this block for too long. The older I’ve gotten the less inclined I am to mollycoddle haters.

In coming blog entries I’ll talk about”The Change”–the M Word–menopause.

Living through “The Change” can be challenging yet it can bring on renewed happiness and a sense of new purpose.

I want to talk about “The Change” because no one else is doing this for mental health peers.

Normal is Over

Normal is Over.

If you have a Brooklyn Public Library library card you can watch for free videos on your computer or smart TV via the Kanopy database on the library’s website.

This week I viewed Normal is Over.

The documentary focuses on how the prevailing “economic growth” model is the chief culprit in climate change.

I recommend you watch this film. I wrote down too many quotes from the video to transcribe them here.

Yet I can tell you this: climate change is no joke. We can’t continue to ravage our earth in the name of consumerism to buy more and more products.

Highlights of Normal is Over:

  • 97 percent of climate scientists agree that climate change is man-made.
  • Producing beef uses 16,000 liters of water.
  • Elephants may become extinct by 2020 if they continue to be killed for money.
  • The $200Billion/year that one professional estimates it would take to save civilization from climate change is less than the cost of funding the military.
  • Most GMO soy and corn feeds factory animals that are slaughtered.
  • 1% of the population owns 1/2 of its total wealth.

After watching this film I decided to write a series of blog entries about how the best way to heal the planet is to first heal ourselves.

In the coming blog entry I will start to talk about this in more detail.

Keeping Warm in Winter

timothy goodman uniqlo

This is a Timothy Goodman tote bag I snatched up from Uniqlo.

I recommend Uniqlo for winter clothes as well as their collaborations with designers like Goodman.

In New York City the weather veers from minus 2 degrees with the wind chill on a Friday to 52 degrees the following Thursday.

We cannot continue to deny that this fluctuation IS because of climate change.

What can each of us do to keep warm in the Northeast and wherever else it’s cold in the winter?

I recommend buying from Uniqlo their HeatTech thin long-sleeve tee shirts to wear under your shirts and sweaters in the arctic chill.

I own two HeatTech under-layers: one in off white and one in black.

For any of you who are Petite like me in clothing sizes I have good news:

The Uniqlo items might fit you in their regular sizes.

Uniqlo is a Japanese brand that has stores and delivery options in the USA too.

It’s true the Uniqlo clothes fit me in their regular sizes. I haven’t had to alter anything from Uniqlo yet. And I’m a person who has to get Petite clothes hemmed and shortened to boot. So I can vouch for the universality of their sizing if you’re petite.

Their lounge sets are also comfy and warm. They sell cashmere sweaters and have designer clothes collaborations too.

I’ll be wearing my HeatTech under-tee shirts throughout the winter this season.

The Timothy Goodman tote bag actually reads:

“You have to make a lot of stuff before you can make stuff like yourself.”

I endorse that statement. I’ll be 53 in the spring and the view from here is delightful.

I will return in coming blog entries to talking about life during “the change” for women.

Yes, menopause is a fact of older life for those of us who are women.

Wearing layers is the way to peel off outer clothes respectfully when you’re having hot flashes.

Thus: HeatTech to the rescue.

United States Postal Service

I want to give readers a heads up this holiday season about shipping gifts in the mail.

This is my experience. I find it so amusing really only because it’s a well-off person’s dilemma

The two women from the Post Office who talked to me on the telephone were cheerful and helpful. It really helps to use the words please and thank you when you ask for help from another person.

The windup: FedEx lists as “delivered” by the United States Postal Service a package I was supposed to have received three weeks ago.

This package is missing in action.

As I waited on hold for the local person to come on the line a recorded message told me that using the United States Postal Service to ship holiday gifts is the best shipping method.

What? I was waiting to speak with a person about why my package the Postal Service delivered has gone missing.

I find this all so amusing. It’s an American dilemma so I really don’t care about this. It’s not like I’m a Syrian refugee or my life is in danger.

You have to put these kinds of things in perspective. I find it so amusing that a recorded message told me to use the Postal Service to ship holiday gifts. When in fact the Postal Service couldn’t be counted on to actually deliver my package.

I wanted to give my readers this heads up. I think using UPS even if it’s more expensive is the way to go. I’ve used UPS to ship copies of my memoir to people.

Mercury turns Retrograde on December 3 through three weeks of the month.

It won’t be a good time to buy expensive products or electronics or ship things through the mail. I advise shipping any packages out early this week.

It’s said that since Mercury will be Retrograde stores will often be out of stock of items and the selections will be poor.

Consider this blog entry to be a public service announcement.

I would like everyone’s holiday season–regardless of whether you celebrate a holiday–to be hassle-free as best it can be.

Change Starts Today

At some point you really have to say:

“This is who I am. Take me as I am–or leave.”

We cannot control what other people think of us.

I’m learning this lesson now.

In the end, it doesn’t matter what people think of us. Seeking their approval is a no-win game.

Thinking you know what another person thinks about you is circular failed logic.

In effect, you’re judging that person without knowing the truth.

As a mental health peer I realize that holding so-called normal people up as valid arbiters of our worth is a form of internalizing the stigma.

Holding anyone else up as a judge in terms of how they view us is also not healthy.

We need to like ourselves first of all and in turn have compassion for other people.

Each of us living on earth is doing the best we can with what we were given.

Change starts today. Often if we want to change our lives we first have to change our minds.

I’ll be 53 in April–in just over 5 months. This is what I’ve learned so far:

Judging people isn’t the way to go. Stereotyping people isn’t the way to go.

The way to go is to understand that those of us living with mental health challenges are worthy friends, lovers, and support folk.

I for one have gotten over thinking that having a so-called normal guy as a boyfriend is the way to go. I’ve given up for good trawling OKCupid for a mate.

I don’t expect anyone who doesn’t have a mental health challenge to truly understand.

We need to seek love companionship and empathy from people who are able to give it.

We can’t expect to change the hearts and minds of people who are stones in how they treat others.

It would be great if people would come to their senses and treat everyone they meet with love.

While we wait for this to happen we can help make it happen by acting on our own to model compassionate behavior.

The older I get I’m trying to make a difference in the world.

I call this ethic placing “service above self.”

Acting with love will show others the benefit of acting with love.

One thing I know: people can change as their circumstances change.

People can become more loving and generous towards other people.

I’ve seen that this is true. It’s entirely possible for another person to wake up.

Change starts today. It starts today for all of us.

We have only today in which to make a difference.

God has given us this day. Let’s use it wisely and for the benefit of everyone.

Judgment-Free Zone

Everyone living on earth has some kind of hardship.

You might not see it from looking at them yet it’s there.

The Peer Support guideline tells us:

“We judge no other person’s pain as any less than our own.”

I submit that remaining divided isn’t the way to live.

I submit that picking and choosing who you give your compassion to isn’t the way to live either.

“Always be looking to see how you can spread cheer in other people’s lives.”

That’s the ethic I live by.

Yet I also believing in finding joy in your own life for yourself.

One: just understand that it won’t be easy living with a mental health challenge.

So, act kind to yourself and other peers.

There’s hope and healing for whatever it is you are in recovery from.

This blog will always be a judgment-free zone as will be my other blog.

Honoring Our Individuality is a Human Right

The right of everyone living in recovery to have their own version of a full and robust life is a human rights issue.

Is it not an inviolable human right for everyone living on earth to express, embrace, and celebrate their unique Self–and to have others acknowledge and honor this individual Self?

Honoring and embracing each other’s individuality is the root of resolving human rights issues.

Too many people in American society and in the world judge others who don’t conform to so-called “norms.”

The solution to stigma of any kind is to be your Self, regardless of whether or not other people like and accept your Self.

Each of us must express our Selves freely and without shame. We have nothing to feel guilty about when we act true to our Selves.

The burden is on other people to “deal with it”–to deal with the fact that we don’t conform to what they think  is an acceptable Self to promote in the world.

Make no mistake: we can’t live in fear of what people think of us.

We need to honor and embrace each other’s individual Self. Doing this is the foundation upon which all human rights are built.

It’s up to each of us to continue to act true to our Selves. It’s up to each of us to accept, honor, embrace, and celebrate the uniqueness of every other person we meet and interact with.

To not do this is to perpetuate a violation of human rights.

Yet at the same time, we cannot judge and seek to negate the Self of a person who does narrowly define what an acceptable Self looks and acts like for other people.

Hate looks good on no one. “Hating the haters” is not the way to live. Understanding and having compassion for everyone–even for those who hate–is imperative.

The bottom line: compassion is always in fashion. It starts with having self-compassion and self-acceptance. When we like ourselves and embrace and celebrate our individuality, it doesn’t matter if other people don’t like us and lack compassion.

In the next blog entry I’m going to quote a woman who has quickly become my newest role model. She tells it like it is in her own words. I’ve just finished reading her astonishing memoir.

 

The Necessity of Self-Care

I want to write about the necessity of self-care as you get older.

Readers: if I gained weight I doubt I’d care at this point anymore.

Like so many women at mid life proclaim: “It’s either my face or my ass.” This is because:

In your fifties you might have a wrinkle-free face and gain a few pounds or have wrinkles and no extra poundage.

Research studies indicate that women who exercise feel better about their bodies even if they haven’t lost significant weight.

My secret is to lift weights twice a week as often as I can and to watch what I eat on most days. Now that the spring weather is here I often walk places instead of taking the subway. That’s how I get in “cardio”–cardiovascular exercise.

That’s the secret to hang a healthy body and a healthy mind: strength training. You feel better after you’ve exercised. There’s also some kind of idea that lifting weights firms the skin on your face too. I wouldn’t go so far as to think this–this seems incredulous to me.

My regimen is: At night I use L’Oreal Eye Makeup Remover and some kind of Neutrogena cleansing cloths for the rest of my face. After this I use Simple facial cleanser you can get in Rite Aid. Then I apply an old-school product from the Body Shop: the Vitamin E Night Cream.

In the morning I use Neutrogena Hydro-Boost moisturizer with SPF 15–the one that comes in the tube not the jar. I use an eye cream that costs about $15.

The reality is that you have to–at least I have to–wear moisturizer every day when you’re older. So I use a moisturizer with a sunscreen. I also notice that foundation goes on better if you’ve applied moisturizer first.

I’ll end here with this now:

No one will tell you–only I’ll tell you–that the future won’t always be totally rosy or always better and not ever challenging.

I learned the hard way from being the victim of an attack that your life can in some ways get harder at times not easier.

Which is the prime reason that self-care is so important now if you’re in your fifties.

Doing healthy things to make yourself feel better is a necessity not a luxury in recovery at mid life.