Harper’s Bazaar Art Issue

As regards this month’s Art theme in HB it’s right that each of us tries to change things for the better linked to an issue we have firsthand experience with.

Using art in any form to express the truth and speak out is the way to hopefully open hearts and minds and end stigma.

The best way to change a person’s mind is simply by being yourself. Only a heartless person would judge or hate you or me sight unseen or in plain sight before they got to know us apart from a stereotype.

A friend told me: “Narrow-mindedness is a disease of the heart.”

Stigma exists in different forms of multiple isms. This holiday season Peace on Earth shouldn’t be promoted only once a year on a Christmas card.

My hope is that my year-round blogging as an Art form can be inspiration to readers for expressing yourself in full bloom.

Harper’s Bazaar Voices Issue

The current edition of Harper’s Bazaar is the Voices issue. The best article is “Like a Virgo” where a columnist interviewed poet Cleo Wade.

Wade has two things to say which warrant buying and reading the magazine:

“If you can’t laugh, you’ll never survive. It’s a survival tool. If you can’t find and know and feel that joy belongs to you, no matter what’s going on, it’s impossible to get through life.”

Per Cleo:

“There are obviously a lot of problems in the world, but if you can’t find joy somewhere, you have a bigger problem than public policy, and it’s closer to home.”

Right said better than I could have.

The media gatekeepers are deciding who gets a platform and what views those people can express. Shut out of traditional liberal media I’ve taken to my blogs to uplift and inspire readers that change is possible. Plus post recipes to boot!

Everyone should use our voice to express ourselves. In this regard I was a fan of John Leguizamo the actor and comedian for speaking out over the years.

And for those of us who simply choose not to protest in the streets. For those of us who want to have an ordinary life not making waves.

There are other ways to use your voice apart from getting political.

Like choosing to wear that famous pink pant suit I alluded to in a blog entry a year ago.

Like sharing your views at a dinner party with friends who will accept that you’re outspoken.

Like choosing what kinds of products to buy and how often and what you’re willing to pay.

Having a voice means that we get to decide when to speak out and when to remain silent.

We get to encourage others that sometimes the quietest voice can speak volumes. And the loudest brashest voice shouldn’t talk over others who have something to say.

Surviving Capitalism

I’m done with capitalism.

When I see empty shelves in a retail store like Rite Aid I think the end times are coming soon.

Since March 2021 I’ve carted off at least 20 donation bags of clothing and houseware items to thrift shops.

I simply no longer buy clothes. Except for a couple of items to fill in what’s missing. All I expect to order is a white cotton long sleeve tee shirt.

That’s it. End of story. My days of impulse shopping are rightly over.

In fact I have no need to fill in gaps anymore either. The only pieces I’ll replace are tee shirts because they get shabby after only one or two seasons.

The other feat I’ve achieved is that today I own only 4 lipsticks: a blue red a true red a violet and a deep pink.

Decades ago I bought 22 tubes of lipstick. That was cray-cray.

The authors of Happy Money attest that the fewer items you own the more you’ll like them and be happy with them.

Who has the wherewithal or even just the mindset to spend hours and hours attending to organizing collections of stuff?

Contain the essentials instead of having to rearrange unused items to get to the one useful item you’re looking for. Our shelves drawers and cabinets should not be graveyards for things we don’t use.

I’ll end here with this:

We cannot fall into having a scarcity mentality.

Those of us who are well-off should be checking in on friends and neighbors to see if they need help with groceries or other basic needs.

My About Face

I figured something out when I was 55. That’s round about the time I checked out of the library a book detailing how attractive people earn more money on the job.

Since the 1990s I’ve read that women who wear makeup on the job earn more.

It begs the question: Does a pretty face get promoted even though they shirk doing work–over a plain face that works hard.

At one job I thought that if I could wear a full face of makeup on that job I’d get a better performance review.

Whatever. I couldn’t muster the ability to wear foundation blush eyeshadow–the works–after this. No longer thinking that I should spend my whole life trying to impress people.

I gave up wearing a full face of makeup after that. An old friend told me years later: “You don’t need to wear foundation.” I took her word for it.

For years so far I’ve applied only eyeliner and lipstick every day. I will leave the house only if I’m wearing lipstick. I’ll use mascara instead of eyeliner at times. There’s always lipstick.

A bathroom mirror should come with a warning like at a fire scene: Stand back 500 feet. You don’t view a work of art only five inches in front of the canvas. And every human being is a work of art.

The thing that clinched not caring about outward beauty / seeking a fountain of youth / hope in a jar was acting as a caregiver.

At 86 you won’t fool the Grim Reaper even if you look like you’re 40. If you’re 60 or older and fixated on youth that’s likely understandable in the context of mortality.

I’ll end here with what I’ve learned: How you look can take you only so far.

At 59 I can tell you that the sooner we abandon the low self-esteem the better off we’ll be. If we’re not good enough in the eyes of others no matter how good or compassionate or beautiful we are (and we are!) that’s their issue not ours.

Plus I think using an iPhone camera makes everyone look beautiful : )

What do you say? Isn’t it time to lighten up our faces?

The Benefit brand white tote bag gets at this in pink letters:

Laughter is the best cosmetic.

I think a sense of humor looks good on everyone.

Our Diamond Years

I bought a quote magnet:

When you’re going through hell keep going.

To get to fifty without losing our mind marbles or money in the stock market is a marvelous feat.

To keep going is the secret to living our lives. Nothing succeeds like persistence.

The caboose to my fifties is rolling in. At 59 it’s time to do what the Christian Dior tee shirt states: I Say I.

Post-50 is the time to throw off the antiquated shackles that kept us bound and silent.

Do what we want to do not what others expect us to do. Act true to ourselves whether people like that we live this way or don’t like it.

Be our own fan club.

To celebrate 60 I bought a Happy Birthday tiara with the words Happy Birthday in pink crystals encrusted in gold above the wire headband.

In at least two accounts I read that you hit your stride in your sixties. Unlike in your earlier days.

Our lives can get better in our Golden Years. More likely they are Our Diamond Years.

So get those sparkly earrings that light up your face. Buy a $55 mug. Take salsa lessons.

Perhaps us Generation X folk blazed the way for the other Generations to follow.

I’ll end with this fortune cookie message:

Do not follow where the path may lead. Go where there is no path…and leave a trail.

In Our Diamond Years where we’re going is likely as yet uncharted.

Our values should be our compass guiding us. These values can change over time.

Finding what floats our boat can help us keep going.

Shuck the oyster. The world awaits.

Mug Shot

I’ve changed my stance in one minor way: I think shopping is OK when you’re bringing home an object that can give you delight and sustain your happiness living in your home.

The mug shown above I bought in a museum gift shop. It holds 12 ounces of water. Cheers me to use the cup. A convenient way of drinking water throughout the day.

How to get happy doesn’t have to require going into credit card debt to fund a beach cruise vacation.

Making art out of the everyday is a simple method to bring ourselves cheer.

Trying one new thing each season could spark joy too. It could be taking a Paint-n-Sip class to see if there’s an Inner Artist clamoring to get out.

Maybe you’re no Picasso and won’t ever be. At least you attempted to have a fun night out and got the chance to see if you like painting.

In the end being good at what you do doesn’t matter. Liking it counts.

In the words of a quote magnet:

Find something you like and do it forever.

That’s the route to self-esteem at any size if you ask me.

Weightlifting

Ruminating over the number on the scale isn’t the way to feel happy and get confidence. So why do women near universally hop on and off the scale on repeat. Allowing the number to dictate our self-worth–or lack of it.

In one year from when I was 22 until I turned 23 I gained 20 pounds. Not happy I was to be 30 pounds overweight. It took me 6 years to lose the weight. In my 40s I gained 10 pounds back.

The fact is my lifestyle isn’t for everyone in terms of how I exercise and what I eat. I don’t think other people have the temperament or wherewithal to follow my lead.

Nor am I a fan of telling others: “Do what I did, and you’ll achieve the same result.”

Where you can hop on and off is my health and fitness blog. Even there I changed the tagline from “Salut! – To Health!” to Mangia Bene Vivere Bene. Italian for Eat Well to Live Well.

The distinction being that a person might not be in prime or ideal health. Yet they can be well and whole in their own way even living with an illness.

In that blog I’ve taken to giving out recipes I’ve found in books and magazines and online. Eat Well to Live Well is my motto. As you can weigh 200 pounds and eating well [at any weight] improves your mood.

I’m shifting away from writing things that sound like being physically fit is the ideal.

The HAES nutrition movement advocates that women can be Healthy At Every Size. Too we should be Happy At Every Size. This takes liking ourselves and standing up against the forces in society conspiring to shame us.

In coming blog entries I’ll talk about how to get happy. Also,. about the beauty and benefit of aging with grace. Not resisting and fighting the wrinkles and LAUGH lines. We were laughing right. No shame in that either.

Sartorial Self-Care

One way to defy the womanly norms expected of us in the patriarchy is to dress to please ourselves. No man is worth starving ourselves and becoming precariously thin for.

In coming blog entries I’ll talk about weight again. In here I’m going to write about real life-affirming self-care.

Years ago I thought the Visual Therapy Style Quiz was fascinating. Then I became disillusioned with it as I wasn’t satisfied with the outcome.

At the time it was like I was going through an existential fashion crisis by wondering what my style type was and should be.

Enter Allison Bornstein and her Three Word Method. She advocates that your Style is found by examining the clothes already hanging in your closet.

After two weeks I figured out my three words were Chic Quirky Confident.

Sartorial self-care can be the most joyous form of loving, accepting, and nurturing our authentic selves–and bodies at the weight we are today.

As a 200-pound woman when you dress sharp not only can you feel better you can inspire other 200-pound women to feel good and be confident in their bodies.

Having clothing confidence is not frivolous and isn’t shameful. The way to like ourselves is to dress in the ways that make us happy.

I for one don’t follow fashion trends unless I truly like the color or clothing items being touted.

When dressing up gives us such joy and happiness no one else should be judging us for liking fashion.

Turning to a clothing rack when the going gets tough can really be a form of self-care that sustains us.

In fact it can help us feel better when we’re not rail-thin!

Getting Loud

This week I read in one day the Drew Afualo memoir and manifesto Loud: Accept Nothing Less than the Life You Deserve. The Samoan American young woman has 9 million followers. She created a career for herself as a content creator whose platform is centered on kicking the asses of misogynist men. Afualo has received death threats for speaking out against the patriarchy.

Since she has 9 million followers perhaps some of you follow Drew. I’m all too familiar with being the victim of anonymous venom in the comments section of online articles.

No—I don’t identify as Queer or Asexual. I don’t like those terms. It’s because in fact if you’re not heterosexual and not caught up in relationships with men who abuse you you’re not queer at all. You’re the normal one. In a society where it’s the misogynist men labeling females as freaks of nature for not having sex on the third date and not submitting to their abuse in the patriarchy.

The attorney I employ first used the word I took up to describe my M.O.: Unusual. I prefer calling how I operate Unusual not Queer as I do not want to be identified by my gender or sexual orientation.

In my email signature I won’t use personal pronouns. Instead I use specific nouns and list in my signature Christina Bruni (Chris/Christina). I have no idea what others reading my emails think of this. It’s a f*ck-you that might not be subtle in not using gender to refer to who I am.

I’m no fan in dwelling on gender and sexual orientation. Too often doing so reinforces the focus on parts of our identity that a person like me doesn’t want to be the first or prime thing others notice about us.

Only how we look gets us judged. My intent in using my given names in my email signature was because I want others to view me through the lens of my personality not through my plumbing down below.

Yet how you and I look is the first thing others notice about us. An impression is formed of us within 7 seconds. No kidding.

In coming blog entries I’ll do my part along with Drew Afualo to dismantle the expectations women have of ourselves to please men.

Real Self-Care

I checked this new book out of the library. The subtitle is Crystals, Cleanses, and Bubble Baths Not Included.

I’m not a fan of social media so don’t follow influencers on Instagram. As well I haven’t been a fan of traditional self-care that is touted like cleanses and bubble baths.

My only self-care I’ve persisted in engaging in is going out socially with friends and eating healthful food and engaging in some kind of exercise.

If I remember right the self-care industry is a billion-dollar business.

Who can afford to buy products marketed as wellness tools. These products don’t instill actual health over our lifetimes.

What I think that the MD author doesn’t connect is the dot dot dots that are connected: If self-care products gave us optimal health why are women getting cancer heart disease and diabetes routinely in America today?

The promise of a product to make us feel better is an empty promise.

Far better to cook yourself a healthful meal from a recipe to share with friends at your dining table. Sharing a meal promotes health and wellbeing.

Nobody’s making a quick buck when you do that. There’s no money to be made in capitalist America when each of us is inherently well and doesn’t need fixing.

I say: buy a new shirt or blouse to feel good. Old-fashioned fashion therapy is one kind of self-care as recommended in the Allison Bornstein guide Wear It Well that I reviewed here.

The fall is coming in two weeks. The time to edit our closets and bring the fall clothes front and center on the rod is here.

Does the saying “the road to hell is paved with good intentions” apply here. Likely likely the rod to hell is hung with failed purchases.

In a coming blog entry I will talk about the wonder of editing our wardrobes.

“In with the new out with the old!” Why wait until New Year’s Eve to celebrate.