Cheap and Cheerful

lipstick rise up rose

For $9 a tube of lipstick is cheap and cheerful in this holiday season.

I was in a drugstore and decided to browse the Revlon display in search of one of the few lipsticks I’ve liked from this brand.

Instead of getting the Rose Velvet I snatched up this tube in a shade called Rise Up Rose. It is a matte lipstick in the new line of Revlon Matte offerings.

To my surprise the color is fabulous. I took a risk buying it because nearly all the time I chanced to take home an impulse buy from the drugstore the lipstick looked awful on me.

Hint: if you share my coloring Warm Me Up by Maybelline just won’t do. Nor will any beige, brown, orange, or coral shades.

The secret to success in the makeup aisle is to know your undertone and search for shades that match it.

I’ve been tested out as a Winter – and what the Visual Therapy founders call a Star:

I have ivory skin with a cool undertone and dark brown eyes and black hair.

Thus cool colors look better on me than warm colors.

You can take the Color Type quiz in the Life in Color book to find out whether you have a warm or cool color type.

Forget sending and receiving greeting cards with generic Peace on Earth and Joy to the World messages.

The real joy is to be had in doing good for others and for yourself.

Do yourself a favor: buy a new tube of lipstick to brighten your spirits.

Send out Christmas cards if that would make you happy.

At this time of year when loved ones who are gone are missing from the table:

I approve of doing anything healthy that sparks joy.

Living for Today

I’ve figured out that becoming happier is possible when you commit to living for today.

What you want to achieve could be far off on the horizon.

Having gratitude for where you are in your life in the present moment is the antidote to the holiday blues.

Again it can be as simple as going to a clothing store and trying on items that fit and flatter. This can put you in a good mood.

It’s possible to be happy right here right now.

Regardless of what your bank account balance is. Regardless of whether you’re single or part of a couple. Regardless of whatever pain you’re in.

You can still be happy even when your life hasn’t gone the way you planned.

I’ve figured out that living life on life’s terms not my terms is the way to feel happy.

Doing this it won’t matter that life isn’t fair.

Life can be good living in recovery. You can have a better life post-breakdown than you had before the illness.

In the coming blog entry I want to spread more cheer.

Enjoying being yourself is the secret to having a good life.

I’ll talk more about how to become happier.

Sometimes you just have to slow down and pace yourself.

Today is the greatest day. It’s the only one we have.

Obtaining Confidence

venus williams

Last week Venus WIlliams wrote an article in the New York Times about the 3 factors in obtaining confidence.

When you don’t feel good about yourself and your prospects it can be hard to have confidence.

At 53 I haven’t yet gotten what I wanted. My love and literary prospects haven’t panned out yet. Operative word in the last sentence: yet.

Venus Williams is on to something when she eschewed setting goals in favor of asking yourself: “Do I feel good?” This makes perfect sense to me.

The question “Do I feel good?” is relevant to whether you succeed.

The Dark Horse authors whose book I wrote about in the Flourish blog think achieving success doesn’t lead to happiness–it’s the pursuit of fulfillment that makes you happy.

Again, it’s the process not the outcome that counts.

Which ultimately reinforces my perpetual claim that fashion isn’t frivolous. If you feel good, you’re empowered to take on the world.

In terms of the fashion freedom I hinted at in a recent blog entry I don’t think you can feel good in ill-fitting clothes that aren’t becoming on you.

To know your style and flaunt it guarantees you will be a success in whatever you do.

If you don’t feel good–about what you’re wearing; about the people you’re working with; about an aspect of yourself or your life–you have the power to change this.

This is the truth: you can be happy even when you haven’t achieved the goals you set for yourself. Venus Williams is right and she’s a champion: the goals are irrelevant.

In the coming blog entry I’ll talk about living for today, which is the ultimate method for feeling good.

Downtown Train

green coat

This is the coat that proves my point that fashion isn’t frivolous.

Wherever I go people compliment me on the coat. Even a homeless guy (I kid you not) told me: “That’s an attractive coat.”

It’s from J.Crew and was touted as peacock green. I used a 25 percent off coupon code to buy it.

The coat seems to put others in a good mood when I wear it.

I boarded the downtown train. Clutched the pole near the door because it was standing room only.

After two stops I felt a hand on my sleeve. I turned around thinking it was someone who knew me wanting to say hello.

A guy standing nearby motioned to a newly empty seat. “Thank you.” I sat down.

As soon as I arrived home I installed the Tom Waits song “Downtown Train” in my iTunes library. Waits’ gravelly voice is like no other.

I was touched that a stranger didn’t take the empty seat for himself. Such acts of human kindness restore my faith in the inherent goodness of people.

Is hate learned? I don’t think people are born hating. It comes from seeing others as competition. I talked about the American pie metaphor years ago in this blog: how everyone’s grabbing not just for their fair share, but bigger and bigger slices at the expense of allowing others to have their slices.

The scarcity mindset (Brene Brown wrote about it in one of her books) is alive and well. This mindset is reinforced when citizens are allowed to go hungry. When others are told they must compete to get into elite colleges. When any number of prerequisites are imposed for obtaining success.

There’s a better way. There’s a way out of the fear of not having enough or being enough.

It starts with practicing gratitude. It continues with having compassion.

As we head into the holidays I want to give some insight in this blog that I think can empower readers.

A quote goes like this: gratitude is when what you have is enough.

Especially at this time of year a lot of us can be depressed. My goal is to help readers feel good.

It comes down to slowing down and stopping to smell the American beauties of life.

Seeing the beauty in yourself and others is a way to feel merry and bright. Good people are out there. Kind people are out there.

In the next blog entry I’ll quote a star athlete who riffs on feeling good in the guest column she wrote in the New York Times this week.

Becoming Michelle Obama

m obama

I read this book in three days. I had always thought Michelle Obama was a class act. You don’t have to take my word for this though. In her memoir she proves for a fact that she is brilliant.

I’ll quote from the book to encourage readers to go out and buy it.

Obama quotes her husband:

“You may live in the world as it is, but you can still work to create the world as it should be.”

No kidding. That’s what I’ve been trying to do as an Advocate: first when I challenged the mental health staff’s expectations of what they thought I could do – by daring to think I could achieve my goals. Then when I started to advocate for others to dare dream that a better life was possible for them.

Obama then reveals:

“So many of us go through life with our stories hidden, feeling ashamed or afraid when our whole truth doesn’t live up to some established ideal.”

Hence why I’ve always hailed Rite Aid cashiers.

I’ll end here with Obama’s wisdom:

“For me, becoming isn’t about arriving somewhere or achieving a certain aim. I see it instead as forward motion, a means of evolving, a way to reach continuously toward a better self. The journey doesn’t end.”

We can’t stop believing that progress is possible for ourselves and our nation.

United we stand; divided we fall.

Do What Makes You Happy

The International Women’s Writing Guild used to ask its members in their newsletter: “Who are you?”

Who you are can change as you get older.

Your orientation to life can change post-illness.

Self-growth and even fun can be had in doing new things to shake up the doldrums.

I’m not the same person I was when I was 22. Heck–I’m not the same person I was when I turned 50.

Are any of us the same self we were in our twenties?

That’s the beauty of living life: we can change elements of who we are as well as adopt a new persona outwardly.

I’ll continue in this blog entry to talk about setting goals at mid-life to become happier and healthier.

My new favorite role model is an ordinary mental health peer who ran in and completed the New York City Marathon this month.

Even people in wheelchairs compete in the marathon and cross the finish line.

This gives me incredible hope.

I’m 53. My goal is to run on the treadmill.

To this end I was tested on a treadmill at a Jack Rabbit running shoes store.

I have a neutral foot stance so I bought a pair of blue Brooks shoes with light blue trim.

Though I don’t want to start taking an antidepressant you should not hesitate to pop a pill if you need to do that to feel better.

I will start to report again in the Flourish blog on fitness topics.

In here I want to uplift and inspire you that it’s not ever too late to take up a new hobby or sport at mid-life.

Exercise is rightfully an adjunct mental health treatment.

Why wait? The future is now.

Set a goal. Find a support buddy to help you achieve the goal. Be a support buddy to your goal mate.

You might think: “I’m too old to…”

Nonsense. I went to graduate school with a woman who was in her seventies. No kidding.

I didn’t start lifting weights until I was 46. Before then I hadn’t lifted one 5 pound weight.

So Just Do It:

Take up running, go back to school, remodel your bathroom, find the love of your life.

Do whatever would make you happy.

1985

1985 was the year I started my first career as a disc jockey on the FM radio.

This labor of love was chronicled in Left of the Dial.

Every two months I get a few radio show cassette tapes converted to CDs. They can be played back on my SONY boom box.

Not a lot of people have an actual recording of who they were when they were in their twenties.

Listening to my radio shows I’m struck by how chatty I was on-air. Talking to my audience in a hip, upbeat fashion.

The point of this introduction being that you can reclaim yourself after illness strikes.

I was diagnosed when I was 22 years old. That cut my life as I knew it short. In one night in an instant my life was forever altered.

Do you feel like you’re not the same person you were before?

Most likely a breakdown happened because something wasn’t working. You have the chance to heal what’s broken.

You have the ability at any point along the road in your recovery to change an aspect of yourself or your life that you don’t like.

Why wait until you’re 40 or 50 or older?

Though making changes in mid-life is also possible and highly recommended.

For me it started with the decision to wear makeup and dress bolder and yes shout louder.

As with any kind of change a person wants to make I recommend using the tactics outlined in Changeology: A 5-Step Method for Achieving Your Goals and Resolutions.

The technique is a 90-day plan that can work.

I’ll end here with this realization:

You might not be the same person you were before illness settled in.

That’s okay. You’re always a person of worth equal to others in society who don’t have an illness.

It takes courage to set a goal and go after what you want to get.

This doesn’t get easier at mid-life. Yet my hope is that in reading these blog entries you can be empowered to make your own resolutions.

I respect and admire anyone who has the courage to want to change their life for the better.

The only real failure is the failure to try.

As long as you give your goals your best shot, there can be no shame if they don’t work out.

I’m 53. My goal is to continue to champion my vision of Recovery for Everyone, from whatever it is you’re in recovery from.

I’m not going to back down in advancing that getting the right treatment right away results in a better outcome.

What’s your goal? Go for it.

Becoming Who You Are

An enduring quote tells us:

“It’s never too late to be what you might have been.”

Post-illness you can recover yourself along with your mental health.

My persistent belief at mid-life is that you shouldn’t stop doing new things until you’re carried out on your last day.

Make every day a celebration.

I wanted to talk about the necklace in the photo in the last blog entry. The woman took it out of the counter to show me. The tag read Murano.

“I’ll take it,” I snapped because Murano is a famous glass maker from Venice, Italy.

I had bought a Murano millefiore glass bead necklace on a tour of their factory.

The point of this blog entry being that you should not hesitate to give yourself little perks to feel better.

“The Road to You” should be paved with kindness and compassion.

Be not afraid to act and dress a little bolder to make a statement:

“I’m here. I have breasts. Get over it.”

You owe it to yourself to be happy. By expressing yourself through how you style yourself in clothes you can also make others happy.

I’m the resident Fashionista at the poetry readings.

You can absolutely reclaim the good from your life before illness and discard the rest.

I’ve decided at 53 that I want to channel the time when I was a disc jockey on FM radio in the 1980s.

This reinvention started by wearing the outfit in the photo in the last blog entry.

In the coming blog entry I will talk about in more detail about reclaiming yourself after illness strikes.

I’ll talk about exerting your power to be who you are without fear of reprisal.

Tying this in to setting goals in mid-life to get more of what you want out of life.

You can absolutely use your personal history as the springboard for making changes at mid-life.

It truly is never too late to be what you might have been.

The Makeup of a Confident Woman

green photo

The photo shown above proves the premise of beauty pioneer Trish McEvoy’s new book The Makeup of a Confident Woman.

Not wanting to start taking an antidepressant, I was willing to try any healthy non-chemical option for sparking joy.

I’ll quote from this guide because I think you should go out and buy it:

“There is no vanity in taking advantage of makeup in order to get more of what you want in this world…Makeup is a tool–just like exercise classes are for staying in shape..It facilitates the release of endorphins and can be your champion to the next level.”

You don’t say? Trish McEvoy does.

I put her theory to the test by applying a full face of makeup. The author gets it right: wearing makeup instills confidence.

It’s trite yet true: you feel better when you look better.

Ladies: even though I have a photogenic face I don’t look so hot not wearing makeup.

I’ll be 54 in the spring. I could use a little help.

There are genetic wonders among us who have creamy flawless skin without wearing foundation. More power to them for being able to rock a bare face.

It took me just about 10 minutes to apply this makeup. That’s not a lot of time to give yourself.

The products used:

Foundation: Lancome Teint Idole 260 Bisque N

Blush: Bobbi Brown desert rose

Lipstick: Bobbi Brown hibiscus

Eye shadow: From Naked2 Basics – the 2 lightest shadows on the left of the palette (darker on eyelid lighter on brow bone area)

Eyeliner: Lancome Chocolat

Mascara: Diorshow black

The photo of the book cover is below.

In coming blog entries here I want to talk about other things you can do at mid-life to feel better and have fun.

All of this can be adjunct treatment in addition to taking any medication you might have to take.

confindent woman book.JPG

Winning

In an upset victory Max Rose beat out Dan Donovan for Congress for the the Staten Island/Brooklyn seat in Washington.

I was quite surprised by this win. Yet under Dan Donovan’s DA rule the cop who killed Eric Garner in a choke hold was acquitted.

The district that covers Staten Island/Brooklyn (Bay Ridge Brooklyn) has been Republican for decades.

Max Rose’s victory is a stunner to me. I hadn’t expected he would win.

Alexandria-Ocasio Cortez won her Congress bid elsewhere in New York City.

In the U.S. we have elected 2 Muslim American women to Congress as well.

We have elected a Native American woman too.

From the New York Times:

“Women shattered records and precedents. One-third of the female nominees for the House were women of color, the highest ever. A record number of women faced off against other women, from Arizona to New York. Ms. Pressley in Massachusetts and Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez in New York were among women who defeated long-serving white male incumbents in party primaries and won tonight.”

In the same New York Times article:

“Despite being more than half the population and the voters, women were still less than a third of all candidates for Congress, the governors’ offices and other statewide executive seats.”

We have a way to go. Yet we can be proud of these gains.

One day I’m confident we will elect a woman president.

Ladies, start your engines.