My About Face

I figured something out when I was 55. That’s round about the time I checked out of the library a book detailing how attractive people earn more money on the job.

Since the 1990s I’ve read that women who wear makeup on the job earn more.

It begs the question: Does a pretty face get promoted even though they shirk doing work–over a plain face that works hard.

At one job I thought that if I could wear a full face of makeup on that job I’d get a better performance review.

Whatever. I couldn’t muster the ability to wear foundation blush eyeshadow–the works–after this. No longer thinking that I should spend my whole life trying to impress people.

I gave up wearing a full face of makeup after that. An old friend told me years later: “You don’t need to wear foundation.” I took her word for it.

For years so far I’ve applied only eyeliner and lipstick every day. I will leave the house only if I’m wearing lipstick. I’ll use mascara instead of eyeliner at times. There’s always lipstick.

A bathroom mirror should come with a warning like at a fire scene: Stand back 500 feet. You don’t view a work of art only five inches in front of the canvas. And every human being is a work of art.

The thing that clinched not caring about outward beauty / seeking a fountain of youth / hope in a jar was acting as a caregiver.

At 86 you won’t fool the Grim Reaper even if you look like you’re 40. If you’re 60 or older and fixated on youth that’s likely understandable in the context of mortality.

I’ll end here with what I’ve learned: How you look can take you only so far.

At 59 I can tell you that the sooner we abandon the low self-esteem the better off we’ll be. If we’re not good enough in the eyes of others no matter how good or compassionate or beautiful we are (and we are!) that’s their issue not ours.

Plus I think using an iPhone camera makes everyone look beautiful : )

What do you say? Isn’t it time to lighten up our faces?

The Benefit brand white tote bag gets at this in pink letters:

Laughter is the best cosmetic.

I think a sense of humor looks good on everyone.

Our Diamond Years

I bought a quote magnet:

When you’re going through hell keep going.

To get to fifty without losing our mind marbles or money in the stock market is a marvelous feat.

To keep going is the secret to living our lives. Nothing succeeds like persistence.

The caboose to my fifties is rolling in. At 59 it’s time to do what the Christian Dior tee shirt states: I Say I.

Post-50 is the time to throw off the antiquated shackles that kept us bound and silent.

Do what we want to do not what others expect us to do. Act true to ourselves whether people like that we live this way or don’t like it.

Be our own fan club.

To celebrate 60 I bought a Happy Birthday tiara with the words Happy Birthday in pink crystals encrusted in gold above the wire headband.

In at least two accounts I read that you hit your stride in your sixties. Unlike in your earlier days.

Our lives can get better in our Golden Years. More likely they are Our Diamond Years.

So get those sparkly earrings that light up your face. Buy a $55 mug. Take salsa lessons.

Perhaps us Generation X folk blazed the way for the other Generations to follow.

I’ll end with this fortune cookie message:

Do not follow where the path may lead. Go where there is no path…and leave a trail.

In Our Diamond Years where we’re going is likely as yet uncharted.

Our values should be our compass guiding us. These values can change over time.

Finding what floats our boat can help us keep going.

Shuck the oyster. The world awaits.

Mug Shot

I’ve changed my stance in one minor way: I think shopping is OK when you’re bringing home an object that can give you delight and sustain your happiness living in your home.

The mug shown above I bought in a museum gift shop. It holds 12 ounces of water. Cheers me to use the cup. A convenient way of drinking water throughout the day.

How to get happy doesn’t have to require going into credit card debt to fund a beach cruise vacation.

Making art out of the everyday is a simple method to bring ourselves cheer.

Trying one new thing each season could spark joy too. It could be taking a Paint-n-Sip class to see if there’s an Inner Artist clamoring to get out.

Maybe you’re no Picasso and won’t ever be. At least you attempted to have a fun night out and got the chance to see if you like painting.

In the end being good at what you do doesn’t matter. Liking it counts.

In the words of a quote magnet:

Find something you like and do it forever.

That’s the route to self-esteem at any size if you ask me.

Weightlifting

Ruminating over the number on the scale isn’t the way to feel happy and get confidence. So why do women near universally hop on and off the scale on repeat. Allowing the number to dictate our self-worth–or lack of it.

In one year from when I was 22 until I turned 23 I gained 20 pounds. Not happy I was to be 30 pounds overweight. It took me 6 years to lose the weight. In my 40s I gained 10 pounds back.

The fact is my lifestyle isn’t for everyone in terms of how I exercise and what I eat. I don’t think other people have the temperament or wherewithal to follow my lead.

Nor am I a fan of telling others: “Do what I did, and you’ll achieve the same result.”

Where you can hop on and off is my health and fitness blog. Even there I changed the tagline from “Salut! – To Health!” to Mangia Bene Vivere Bene. Italian for Eat Well to Live Well.

The distinction being that a person might not be in prime or ideal health. Yet they can be well and whole in their own way even living with an illness.

In that blog I’ve taken to giving out recipes I’ve found in books and magazines and online. Eat Well to Live Well is my motto. As you can weigh 200 pounds and eating well [at any weight] improves your mood.

I’m shifting away from writing things that sound like being physically fit is the ideal.

The HAES nutrition movement advocates that women can be Healthy At Every Size. Too we should be Happy At Every Size. This takes liking ourselves and standing up against the forces in society conspiring to shame us.

In coming blog entries I’ll talk about how to get happy. Also,. about the beauty and benefit of aging with grace. Not resisting and fighting the wrinkles and LAUGH lines. We were laughing right. No shame in that either.

Sartorial Self-Care

One way to defy the womanly norms expected of us in the patriarchy is to dress to please ourselves. No man is worth starving ourselves and becoming precariously thin for.

In coming blog entries I’ll talk about weight again. In here I’m going to write about real life-affirming self-care.

Years ago I thought the Visual Therapy Style Quiz was fascinating. Then I became disillusioned with it as I wasn’t satisfied with the outcome.

At the time it was like I was going through an existential fashion crisis by wondering what my style type was and should be.

Enter Allison Bornstein and her Three Word Method. She advocates that your Style is found by examining the clothes already hanging in your closet.

After two weeks I figured out my three words were Chic Quirky Confident.

Sartorial self-care can be the most joyous form of loving, accepting, and nurturing our authentic selves–and bodies at the weight we are today.

As a 200-pound woman when you dress sharp not only can you feel better you can inspire other 200-pound women to feel good and be confident in their bodies.

Having clothing confidence is not frivolous and isn’t shameful. The way to like ourselves is to dress in the ways that make us happy.

I for one don’t follow fashion trends unless I truly like the color or clothing items being touted.

When dressing up gives us such joy and happiness no one else should be judging us for liking fashion.

Turning to a clothing rack when the going gets tough can really be a form of self-care that sustains us.

In fact it can help us feel better when we’re not rail-thin!

Getting Loud

This week I read in one day the Drew Afualo memoir and manifesto Loud: Accept Nothing Less than the Life You Deserve. The Samoan American young woman has 9 million followers. She created a career for herself as a content creator whose platform is centered on kicking the asses of misogynist men. Afualo has received death threats for speaking out against the patriarchy.

Since she has 9 million followers perhaps some of you follow Drew. I’m all too familiar with being the victim of anonymous venom in the comments section of online articles.

No—I don’t identify as Queer or Asexual. I don’t like those terms. It’s because in fact if you’re not heterosexual and not caught up in relationships with men who abuse you you’re not queer at all. You’re the normal one. In a society where it’s the misogynist men labeling females as freaks of nature for not having sex on the third date and not submitting to their abuse in the patriarchy.

The attorney I employ first used the word I took up to describe my M.O.: Unusual. I prefer calling how I operate Unusual not Queer as I do not want to be identified by my gender or sexual orientation.

In my email signature I won’t use personal pronouns. Instead I use specific nouns and list in my signature Christina Bruni (Chris/Christina). I have no idea what others reading my emails think of this. It’s a f*ck-you that might not be subtle in not using gender to refer to who I am.

I’m no fan in dwelling on gender and sexual orientation. Too often doing so reinforces the focus on parts of our identity that a person like me doesn’t want to be the first or prime thing others notice about us.

Only how we look gets us judged. My intent in using my given names in my email signature was because I want others to view me through the lens of my personality not through my plumbing down below.

Yet how you and I look is the first thing others notice about us. An impression is formed of us within 7 seconds. No kidding.

In coming blog entries I’ll do my part along with Drew Afualo to dismantle the expectations women have of ourselves to please men.

Real Self-Care

I checked this new book out of the library. The subtitle is Crystals, Cleanses, and Bubble Baths Not Included.

I’m not a fan of social media so don’t follow influencers on Instagram. As well I haven’t been a fan of traditional self-care that is touted like cleanses and bubble baths.

My only self-care I’ve persisted in engaging in is going out socially with friends and eating healthful food and engaging in some kind of exercise.

If I remember right the self-care industry is a billion-dollar business.

Who can afford to buy products marketed as wellness tools. These products don’t instill actual health over our lifetimes.

What I think that the MD author doesn’t connect is the dot dot dots that are connected: If self-care products gave us optimal health why are women getting cancer heart disease and diabetes routinely in America today?

The promise of a product to make us feel better is an empty promise.

Far better to cook yourself a healthful meal from a recipe to share with friends at your dining table. Sharing a meal promotes health and wellbeing.

Nobody’s making a quick buck when you do that. There’s no money to be made in capitalist America when each of us is inherently well and doesn’t need fixing.

I say: buy a new shirt or blouse to feel good. Old-fashioned fashion therapy is one kind of self-care as recommended in the Allison Bornstein guide Wear It Well that I reviewed here.

The fall is coming in two weeks. The time to edit our closets and bring the fall clothes front and center on the rod is here.

Does the saying “the road to hell is paved with good intentions” apply here. Likely likely the rod to hell is hung with failed purchases.

In a coming blog entry I will talk about the wonder of editing our wardrobes.

“In with the new out with the old!” Why wait until New Year’s Eve to celebrate.

Rebel Girl

I checked this book out of the library and read it in one day.

Rebel Girl was disturbing on all counts. First because of the recounting of the endless stories of seedy men who raped young girls.

Second because of how the Riot Grrl movement didn’t witness the experience of Black Indigenous and Women of Color individuals.

Simply reading about these encounters was hard to bear. The book should be read anyway.

Author Kathleen Hanna was the famous singer and frontwoman of the bands Bikini Kill and LeTigre. She had her own band The Julie Ruin.

Hanna is also married to Beastie Boy Adam Horovitz and has a son Julius she adopted with him.

The story turns out better in the end.

Hanna’s narrative of her life as a survivor of trauma and abuse is worth reading.

Every survivor’s story is worth telling and reading and listening to.

We can’t continue to get into fights about whose pain is worse than everyone else’s.

Nor can we act like the pain doesn’t exist when a person says they’re experiencing it.

Just because we can’t see what’s going on from our viewpoint is not proof that there’s no such thing as sexism or racism.

Too often other women (yes!) and Conservative women authors blame women for reporting rape and sexual abuse.

In the climate of no one else believing that a rape survivor is telling the truth. Or in the way the rape is swept under the rug because the man is powerful or allegedly a pillar of the community.

Or in how women are thought to be retaliating over their guilt about having had the sex in the first place.

Too often women silence ourselves. We fear no one will take us seriously. Though it’s not our fault we can feel worthless. Leading to not reporting the crime because we think nothing will be resolved.

Too women have to jump through hoops in a court of law to prove the crime happened. The establishment cries out that the men on trial deserve “due process.”

Of course there’s due process. The old world order doesn’t like when a member of their tribe is held accountable.

I’m a Rebel Girl too who would call herself a Feminist Punk like Hanna does.

If you’re a woman you’re told it’s okay to open your mouth to kiss not speak.

We all of us whatever our orientation must speak our mind or nothing will change in society.

One Heart One Hand

I bought the ceramic dish above at a reduced cost since the Fourth of July had come and gone. I went back to get a ceramic flag serving tray in the shape of the USA map.

I told a friend: “With all its faults I still think America is a great place to live.”

Sometimes it’s better to leave your home country and come here. That’s because if you stayed where you were and tried to change things nothing would get better.

You owe it to yourself to get out and come to the U.S. and get a green card.

In Central America people were called the Disappeared. One day they ‘d be taken out of their home and go missing and you wouldn’t see them again.

People are often forced to flee their home country because of a condition like that.

In America you can “speak the truth to power.” It might not be effective. You might get doxxed.

Yet we have the ability to use our voices to make a difference and challenge the status quo.

That’s on us to do even if we don’t get the outcome we want.

You have something to say? You shouldn’t be afraid to say it.

I protest in a different way by wearing message tee shirts that proclaim:

Coexist

Fight Like a Girl

Pax Sur la Terre (Peace on Earth).

Dreams, fortune cookies, quote magnets, and song titles empower me too.

I say: Let Freedom Ring.

We’re all in this country together.

The quote E pluribus unum stands for “From many one.”

Together we’re better. Always remember that. We are not each other’s enemies.

United we are stronger than the force of the haters sowing division.

We are beautiful Americans all of us.

Sustaining Ability

I’ve ravaged the internet reading numerous articles about the Three Word Method. The writers each list their three words. It has helped me get clear on my three words.

Like I wrote in the last blog entry I wouldn’t want to buy a $3,000 Louis Vuitton Speedy. It’s not sustainable for the average person to plunk cash or a credit card down on a designer bag.

While cheap clothes are often sewn in sweatshops there’s no guarantee that higher-priced items are made under favorable working conditions either.

After donating 20 bags to thrift stores in the last 5 years I’ve changed my mind about how to shop. Even if I came into a truckload of money I wouldn’t want to spend $200 on a shirt.

In fact I want to start a movement focused on Sustaining Ability. This kind of Sustain-ability has nothing to do with being eco-conscious.

We might clean up the earth down the road. Yet who would want to live on God’s newly green earth if everyone still swilled hatorade and was drunk on fury.

I think of sustainability on a personal not planet level now. By revamping our approach to living our lives and interacting with others we can ameliorate our wellbeing.

This in turn will impact how we treat the earth. Case in point: I no longer need to spring clean after donating everything to charity.

Once we are free of the things “stuffed” everywhere in our homes (often a graveyard for unused objects) we often clear the mental clutter as a result of the physical freedom.

When I got rid of the mounds I also lost pounds (I have no scientific proof that there’s a connection).

Today I’m more interested in what we can do to thrive as human beings on our earth as the planet is now. I would like to be part of a movement to create opportunities for people to recover.

Some of us are in recovery from consumerism!

Others have a mental health or physical or different issue. Whatever a person is in recovery from I think promoting recovery should be the goal first of all before anything else.

I know it was not sustainable for me to buy whatever caught my eye in the store and only remained unworn in my drawers years later.

We have true freedom when we’re not attached to the stuff that weighs us down. I venture to say that there’s a spring in our step and more joy in our hearts when our time is not wasted with the upkeep of material goods.

Lastly I’ll say that there’s only so much we can do to green the earth. We shouldn’t feel ashamed of ourselves for having bought what we bought all these years.

Liking ourselves counts more than whether we have items in our closet that we don’t like. Letting go of the clutter might just improve our mood.

This is the real impact of letting go of what no longer serves us:

We sustain our ability to feel good in a society where Instagram feeds and product marketers and others make us feel bed.