Winter in New York

The tourists are now out clogging the streets of our fair city. I’ve always loved the tourists even though others joke about them.

Whenever you go there Times Square is as crowded as if it’s noon. With the fluorescent lights it’s like an eternal noontime on 42nd Street. Even at nine o’clock in the evening it’s bustling and bright with people and lights.

I dipped into Sephora and bought Fresh Sugar lip scrub. This beauty emporium played alternative holiday music. You’ve got to love Sephora.

Ten of us took our seats in the theater. The words quickly popped out of my mouth as I eyed the women in the seats in back of us.

“We’re the opening act.” I laughed as my family coordinated where to sit. You need to have a sense of humor about things.

We saw Circ du Soleil perform Paramour and the play was exceptional. It featured the amazing acrobatics and a great story.

I recommend seeing Paramour if you’re a tourist in New York City. Even if the cost of the tickets will set you back a pretty penny.

Winter in New York IS a magical time.

Here’s to you, Verna from South Bend, Indiana!

Optimism

optimism

Years ago I wrote in a prior incarnation of this blog about the New York City subway MetroCard fare card that I saved with the word Optimism in black letters on the white back.

Two or three years ago I attended an art class and created the above collage with the word Optimism.

The significance in choosing to make a collage of letters spelling Optimism is this: At the same time I had read the book The Difference by Jean Chatzky that details what financially well-off and wealthy individuals have in common in terms of traits.

It turns out that having optimism is one of the traits shared by people who acquire great fortune in life–and I dare say it helps us emotionally as well as financially to be optimistic.

My great friend has turned around my thinking in this regard. His nonchalance about the turn of events in America has prompted me to want to focus on the positive.

Hence the reproduction of the word Optimism as the banner for this blog entry.

I still think as I’ve always thought that the government can’t solve society’s ills.

Yet each person living in America has the potential to change their lives for the better.

The hypocritical thinking and the inconsistencies in policies that plague Republicans are going to be left by the wayside in this blog even though I’m tempted to reprise exposing them.

Instead I will focus on the positive: you want to amass a ton of money for yourself?–Be an optimist. Optimists live longer too.

When the glass is half full it’s time to drink up.

We should all be so fortunate in America that our only dilemma right now is that our iPhone doesn’t send photos to our e-mail as soon as we upload them.

Thus I went with Plan B: uploading Optimism.

Christmas and Hanukkah arrive in five weeks and Kwanzaa is right around the corner too.

Time to remember those of us who are less fortunate. Time to remember that all things considered it’s still a great time to be living in America.

Time to remember those who are gone and to carry on their legacy.

I’m a big fan of the Kwanzaa principles by the way. One of them is cooperative economics.

We all should be sharing our wealth–and share the wealth of our God-given gifts and the wealth of ideas we have for making the world a better place.

Becoming wealthy in more ways than just financially starts with health: having a fit mind and a strong body.

So in this regard I will start to post on the weekends new blog entries about nutrition and fitness over at the Flourish blog.

Salut!

Seeing Things Differently

Left of the Dial is my story: it’s the only one I have to give.

I had long wanted to talk about other things not dwell on symptoms and hell in a book. The technical term for those kinds of books is “misery memoir.”

My perpetual point exactly is that getting the right help right away can halt the progression of the illness–can halt disability.

At HealthCentral I did write extensively about illness and treatment. Yet I always tried to offer a different more hopeful and empowered way of thinking about and accessing treatment.

I’ll end here by saying that using the Asset Model to treat people is the way to go: to focus on our gifts and strengths, not deficits and weaknesses.

This is certainly the way to go in providing career counseling for peers.

At HealthCentral I wrote about what I call the Triangle of Mental Health: appropriate medication, quicker individualized treatment, and practical career counseling.

Now in the Flourish blog I would like to focus on this Triangle in detail.

A fortune cookie I once cracked open revealed:

The best angle from which to approach a problem is the TRYangle.

Indeed.

 

Direction of Blog

I will always make the case for not stereotyping people.

The definition of stereotyping is meeting one or two people with a similar trait or characteristic and then ascribing that trait or characteristic to every other person you meet who has the same background as the original person.

I have no idea why I abhor stereotyping like I do. Yet I think it’s an intellectual crime or mental laziness to resort to stereotyping people in media accounts.

Everyone’s entitled to their perception of the world and of people in it. I don’t care what another person thinks–I just think it’s high time to keep it out of the media and instead focus on the positive things people contribute to society.

I might not ever get published in the mainstream media yet a blog is a medium. Bloggers can rebel the divide-and-conquer tactics of mainstream media and of politicians.

There’s a better way: I call it “breaking bread”–which has rarely been done historically.

Highways were built that divided rich neighborhoods from poor neighborhoods. Housing projects went up on the sides of highways nowhere near other neighborhoods–you get the picture.

Yes I have chosen to speak out about injustice as well as stigma because any kind of stigma really isn’t right.

This is because I know it’s possible to be so upset by the hate in the world that you’re moved to tears. Of course the New York Times and other media outlets won’t feature a writer like me who dares state this: that the hate can move a person to tears.

Like I said in here before, we’ll all human beings doing the best we can with what we were given. In this regard I’m not going to judge anyone–not even a racist. My chosen tactic is to simply record what goes on and to use humor to do so.

As a writer, I don’t use cardboard characters so I bristle when media pundits make cardboard characters out of human beings.

In the Flourish blog I will talk to peers about ways to manage what we feel when it’s possible we’re triggered by what we read in the news. Go over to that forum and read you can read it.

 

He’s Just Not That Into You

Come on, the author of He’s Just Not That Into You should’ve titled his book the truth: He Doesn’t Like You, Chica!

This last week I realized I could star as a character in that book.

Guys want a bird in the hand and two in the bush. Most guys think they’re not a man if they’re not banging a chick, so they’ll lead a woman on and keep her even if they don’t love her. All to prove they’re manly and to have their way.

I still think it’s a man’s world–a guy friend insists women have the power. Rejection is a two-way street.

Certain words should cue us that the guy or gal isn’t interested in seeing us again or in continuing. I found out the hard way that He’s Just Not Into Me. So I decided to call it quits.

Rule Number One:

The guy has your number,  so if he hasn’t called, ditch him. He’s not interested.

Rule Number Two:

You can’t make a guy like you. So give up–stop trying to.

Rule Number Three:

Tattoo rules number one and two on your heart.

Healthy Relationships

The number-one predictor of health, happiness, and a long life is creating and maintaining healthy relationships, according to a study going back to the 1930s..

Interacting and doing things with friends, family–and romantic partners if we so choose–is the secret to success in life.

It clicked when I read this week the Internet article quoting research about how having positive relationships inoculates a person from ill health.

Talking with a friend can be better than taking a happy pill.

Having social support in the form of friends, family, and romantic partners is the way to go.

The participants with rock-solid relationships had better health and a lot of them lived to be in their nineties.

Even when I was employed at HealthCentral I made the case for making friends and finding your tribe of kindred spirits.

It’s true that a friend–not a romantic partner–can be a soul mate. And who’s to say we can’t have more than one soul mate linked to different needs each person fulfills in our lives?

After reading the news article about how social support and relationships are linked to better health, happiness, and a longer life I thought: “Sign me up!”

Imagine spending six hours with a true friend and feeling incredibly happy doing so.

I say: Go for It–because emotional riches count more than money.

Beauty is in the Eye

Beauty truly is in the eye of the beholder.

I once went on a date with a guy old enough to be my grandpa. I couldn’t get past his eyeglasses–they were cheap cut-rate eyeglasses. (There–you can whack me with a pocketbook for saying this.)

You and I can see the same person and have different reactions. One of us might like that guy and the other isn’t interested.

Readers: I met a guy in person that I’m attracted to. I like looking at his face most of all because he is kind and caring.

Now I don’t care how rich or good-looking a guy is. You might want to date a person who has a good job. I know two women who mercilessly judged guys as “dogs” and wouldn’t date a guy that wasn’t good-looking. That was their criteria.

Throw your diagnosis into the mix and it’s sketchy how a person will respond on a date.

I’m lucky I met a guy I can do things with. He’s aware of the diagnosis yet he’s okay with this. He can hold his own interacting with other people. He’s a Lefty, like I am.

Looking for love is like a numbers game at times: you have to meet a lot of guys or gals before the right one comes along.

Always be hopeful because love is worth the risk.

A roving photographer once asked me “What’s the best way to fight stigma?”

Twelve years later I stand by what I said: “Be brave, and be yourself.”

It’s true: Be brave, and be yourself–and the right person will come along.

America by Heart

I do not like how the media polarizes people. How everyone is lumped into a stereotype. My prime beef with the book The Antidote is that I find it hard to believe every African American acts like the people chronicled in this Reverend’s book.

There’s no room in the media dialogue for differing viewpoints that challenge assumptions and stereotypes about how people act and believe and live. That’s what’s not right in the discourse in American society: if you don’t fit in this or any other box, you’re not written about and not given a say in the media.

I happen to favor Bernie Sanders if you must know. I think healthcare is a right not like Ted Cruz who says it’s a choice.

Try as I might to see how the right wing faction of our government makes sense (and how Conservative Christians make sense) I have a hard time buying what they’re selling.

I’ve been branded a liberal because I speak out in favor of open-mindedness. I was interviewed at Yahoo for an article on dating when you have a mental illness. I was positive and proactive in my quotes. Yet the majority of people who posted comments below the article stigmatized those of us with a diagnosis who just wanted to be loved and love others like everyone else.

I’ve always made the case for treating others with dignity. A friend who was a CEO–even he knew the trickle-down theory doesn’t work in practice. On the face of it evangelical arguments seem plausible yet when you analyze them they don’t make sense. Like Jeanine Pirro claiming on Sirius XM radio that because of waterboarding we’re keeping America safe. Months later there was a terrorist attack in San Bernardino.

Star Jones was quoted that if you don’t stand for something you’ll fall for anything. I stand for giving every human being dignity. I stand for stopping these endless no-good wars. I stand for booting out stigma of any kind including racism and homophobia regardless of who’s doing it.

Now that it’s voting season in America I’m a voracious reader of the political news. I’m fascinated with the demographics of the people interviewed in exit polls.

This all leads me to think I’m right in claiming our government can’t fix what ails American society. People are disenfranchised. For decades we’ve been unable to influence the fate of Acts that become Laws.

Who knows: maybe now is the time for more of us to get involved like my political activist guy. I’ve changed my mind: we need to get active in speaking out even though at the end of the day it might not matter who gets elected.

Yet it does matter to me when Republicans co-opt Christianity as a political ploy and blunder what Love Thy Neighbor means.

Only now I feel it’s imperative more than ever that everyone uses our voices to talk about the things that matter to us.

I’ve written my congressperson and senators about the mental health Acts that should be voted into Law. In this way it’s true we’ve had to wrestle the government to the mat to do the right thing.

The right of everyone living in America to recover–the chance to have a full and robust life when you’re diagnosed with a mental illness–that’s what matters to me the most.

I say this because without mental health what does a person really have?

It might just be time to get involved as citizen activists.

Thinking Positively

I’ve found an effective solution to dwelling in the past: focus on the positive instead of the negative. Yes: it is easier to do this

Think: what was good about your past life even though most of it wasn’t great? A New York Times article revealed that people who rewrote their history to frame it in a positive way healed better and had better health.

Anais Nin wrote in one of her diaries: “You have the right to select your perception of the world.”

I think of this after reading an interview with Ice Cube in Rolling Stone. He founded NWA and now stars in movies. If you ask me he has a poor attitude: He in effect told the reporter: “I’m black so of course no one likes me.”

I’m not going to attack and judge a person for believing what they do. It’s just that as I read the Ice Cube interview and thought about it I realize each of us has a specific worldview. In this way the truth is always elastic depending on who’s doing the stretching.

If that’s what a person believes, it’s true for them. It’s their truth regardless of whether something really happened or didn’t happen.

I’ve been thinking about this also as it relates to stigma and how a lot of consumers perceive that stigma is pervasive and having a diagnosis is shameful because other people think they’re crazy.

I say: get over it.The more pressing concern is that blaming stigma or blaming other people–regardless of who or what you’re hating or blaming and why you’re hating or blaming–is not a healthy way to live.

The fear of stigma will hold a person back even when there’s no actual stigma.

I do wish Ice Cube would get over himself. He’ll certainly get Rolling Stone to sell thousands of copies of the magazine.

My stroke of insight was that focusing on the positive is the way to go. I have long railed against the time I spent in the community mental health system. This week when I chose to focus on the positive everything changed for the better.

Focusing on the positive–choosing to think positively–is all too rare in a society where people like Ice Cube and others make polarizing statements.

I say: find the good in your life and in other people. Keep an open mind that good people exist in the world. Take back control by deciding to focus on the positive.

If you ask me, focusing on the positive is the best use of our time and of our mental energy. To this end I will focus on the good when I post blog entries here.

I’ll branch out in this blog to write things that no traditional publisher or mainstream Internet website is going to publish. No other outlet wants to publish what I write because there’s nothing shocking or sensational about what I propose.

I’ll start by writing about right here right now because today more than ever it’s a great time to be living in recovery.

Spring Cleaning in Winter

The first article I had published in a newspaper was titled Time to Spring Clean in January, 1990 in the Staten Island Advance.

It recommended doing spring cleaning now to beat the winter blues and blahs. The article talked about how the cobwebs of our minds and residual negative thoughts need to be cleaned out too.

More than this I recommend not accumulating clutter in cabinets and drawers and closets and on the visible surfaces in your apartment or house. I have not ever understood the attraction to displaying knickknacks on every inch of a coffee table or end table or dresser or elsewhere in a home.

Clearing out the old, the unwanted, the things that bring back painful memories should be done at the start of every season if you ask me. If you’re not currently using an item or won’t resume using it in the next season, you shouldn’t keep it on a closet shelf or anywhere in your apartment.

I make an exception for things you do love and do use not often yet every so often. Yet if something is broken, torn or otherwise unusable it shouldn’t be kept at all.

With clothes I’ve always recommended keeping on hand only the items that fit and flatter us. Go out and buy new clothes if you gain or lose weight. I kid you not I had to replace every pair of pants and all my skirts when I lost weight. This was no joke yet I did it rather than walk around in baggy clothes.

Living in our homes should be a celebration of our lives that we take joy in. Not a museum stuffed with artifacts or items from the past or shabby furniture. It’s true that the Salvation Army, Housing Works in New York City, and Goodwill all sell decent secondhand furniture if you can’t afford Raymour & Flanigan or Ashley Home Store.

Spring will return in two months. I say: start now to clean up and clear out and to think about the goals you want to achieve. Have a goal instead of setting a resolution.

Spring is the perfect time to start something new.

I find that clearing out an apartment and cleaning up in the winter is often the prelude to making other positive changes in our lives.

Try it: clear out and clean up and see if something magical happens.