Choosing to Be Grateful

In this gloomy weather I find that having an attitude of gratitude imbues my life with hope for the future.

Every other day I write down 5 things I’m grateful for in my grateful journal.

It’s a hardbound spiral journal that I write entries in.

First I reread the last two or three selections. Then I write a new entry.

A research study reveals that keeping a grateful journal can help a person ward off blue feelings. It might have even halted people from being depressed.

Gathering around the Thanksgiving or other holiday table you’re bound to interact with people that don’t share your worldview.

I’ve found that the remedy is keep my cool and talk about other things.

I’m too jaded to think that anyone in our government–not Liberal Democrat Republican or Conservative–can help ordinary Americans and do the right thing for everyone on the planet as well.

The part of Thanksgiving that I can accept celebrating is the “giving thanks” part of the holiday.

I’m grateful to be happy and healthy and healed. I’m grateful for every experience I’ve had–good and not-so-good. I’m grateful for everyone I’ve met along the way in my life.

One change–it could be called the fourth changeover–had the most impact on my happiness.

In recent months I’ve been able to make peace with reality and to make peace with other people.

What I’m able to do now is to understand that there’s no “right” or “wrong.”

I am who I am. You are who you are. Others are who they are.

The goal as I see it is to give each other a wide latitude to express ourselves.

What alarms me is that there are people who think the government can actually help them. They have fixed beliefs about Mr. Toupee and about everyone else who has been elected to serve us.

So–they sharpen their knives and cut you to pieces along with the turkey.

I turn 55 soon. The older I get I’ve come to believe that compassion is called for.

We must have compassion for the haters, for those who are less fortunate, for people who have done us wrong, for ourselves if we feel poorly about something we did.

Having compassion for others who don’t think, believe, act, live, and identify the same way you do is what’s needed in this often sad and angry society we live in.

My therapist is fond of saying that everyone being different makes the world interesting.

I’m grateful that there’s no other person like me walking down the street.

And yes–I’m grateful to live in America in a city where I’m free to walk down that street.

Those of us who benefit in the world should be doing things to help people who haven’t had any advantage.

This is the message I bring to you in this season:

Choose to love. Choose to be grateful. Choose to do your own thing without fear.

Changeover #3

As I head along on the road to another birthday I’ve made one other change: Cutting the crap out of my life.

Refusing to fall prey to the hateful rhetoric advanced in “click-bait” news articles on the internet.

Choosing to walk on the sunny side of the street. Instead of dwelling on what’s not right in the world.

As the ability of our elected officials to govern ethically is going down the toilet I have no trust that anyone in Washington will come together to help ordinary Americans.

So–I will not talk about Mr. Toupee and his ilk.

I can only tell you that I’m impressed with Andrew Yang–the Democratic candidate. He gets my vote for President should he make it to the primary.

No–I just say no to Joe Biden. It’s because the former Vice President has stated that he thinks marijuana should remain illegal. I prey–prego as Italians would say–that Joe Biden is not elected president.

This is the end of my screed about politics.

As I’ve written, my life improved when I cut the crap out of my reading matter. Cutting the crap out of what I eat has helped too. Cutting the crap out of my relationships has changed things for the better too.

Our government is a circus–yet it’s a dangerous clown act. There isn’t a clown car big enough to fit all the Bozos with the power to screw up America for ordinary Americans and screw up the planet for everyone on it.

So–I chose to dedicate my Left of the Dial blog to positive topics that can empower readers.

I turn 55 in 2020. I will continue to write about my experience as a woman living through “the change.”

Sharing what I’ve learned and what I think along the road to 55 is my version of “What Now.”

Changeover #2

Things change in tiny and big ways when you enter menopause.

One of the humorous shifts for me was that I no longer wanted to wear jeans – denim – dungarees – as a matter of course every day.

They’re supposed to be a democratic fashion item because everyone wears them and likes to wear jeans.

Well I don’t like to wear jeans. I’d rather wear a denim skirt or dress or jacket.

By the time you hit your fifties it’s time to do your own thing not what others tell you that you should do.

What you want to do post-50 and what you were expected all along to do are often at odds.

This is why a lot of women go back to school, ask for a divorce, remodel the kitchen, or embark on other self-reinvention projects.

Like with all things, for me this process started by reexamining my wardrobe.

Out–out went the numerous pairs of jeans. I don’t think I look good in jeans anyway.

It’s so hard to find a pair of jeans that fits perfectly too.

I say: dark-rinse jeans are a better option when you’re going out.

This has been my version of a mid-life crisis: discarding what no longer works. Making room for new things.

The changeover for me started with getting rid of the denim jeans

What happens when you get older is that you suddenly realize that what was okay yesterday isn’t okay today.

It’s time for a makeup shake-up as well.

And for those of us who are looking for love at mid-life the stakes can seem higher.

I’ll end here with this:

Do what makes you happy. If that’s wearing jeans, that’s okay.

So much of these changes involving the need to exert power in a world where women have been rendered powerless.

That’s the bottom line in executing changes in menopause:

Talking control of the narrative of who we are and what we’re capable of doing.

Changeover #1

Instead of dwelling on what’s not right I choose to focus on the positive.

This is one change I’ve made living in menopause: I’ve stopped dwelling on the hate and judgment that exists in the world.

This changeover has saved me from a lot of misery.

I no longer fall prey to the click-bait of hurtful and hateful Op-Ed pieces that writers are given a platform in the media to write.

This changeover has freed up a lot of my energy to focus on what’s going right in the world.

Focusing on the positive is the foolproof tactic at mid-life for feeling better and having the energy to tackle your goals.

Not only do I want to educate and empower readers I want to entertain readers.

Who says a blogger can’t write things that are funny and amusing?

In the coming blog entry I’m going to talk about lifestyle changes I’ve made in menopause.

Some of them are good for a laugh.

Attention WalMart Shoppers

1 fast food

The book in the photo is an eye-opener.

I don’t like the right-wing nationalist fervor that Mr. Toupee galvanized to win the election.

I knew he would become our president. No one believed me.

Yet the damage had already been done in the NAFTA agreement prior to Mr. Toupee’s reign.

In my life I stopped eating rice for dinner over 10 years ago. I haven’t bought bananas in years.

To read We Are All Fast Food Workers Now is to understand the threat to humanity posed by industrial agribusinesses.

The governments in other countries do the bidding of American transnational companies.

Indigenous people’s farmland is taken over by private companies to be used as sugar, rubber, and palm oil plantations.

That’s one good reason to stop or limit our sugar intake.

And I have long known of the ethical dilemma inherent in buying food products made with palm oil.

Just that word: food products should ring alarm bells in buyer’s ears.

If food doesn’t come from God’s Green Earth in a natural pesticide-free way, I say: limit your intake of that “food.”

I’m not perfect in my buying habits either.

Yet living in menopause I’ve started to examine my life and my choices.

Post-50 years old we are everyone faced with this caterpillar-to-butterfly slogan:

Change or Die.

The cost of Xenophobia in America is too high.

The cost to humanity of cheap food and other cheap products is high too.

Reading We Are All Fast Food Workers Now I understand that change might come slowly.

On the cusp of 55 I find myself at a fork in the road: which path do I want to take?

One person doing one thing at one time can change the dynamic like a butterfly flapping it’s wings.

Yet sometimes it’s not that easy.

You also have to be true to yourself and how your life is. To accept that you have limits. To do whatever you can whenever you can.

I’m learning that sometimes it’s not that easy to make a decision.

More in a coming blog entry about a remodeling project I’ve taken on in menopause.

It started with food and exercise. Are you a woman? Perhaps you can relate to the theme of food and exercise.

The Science of Creativity

creativity

Steve Jobs was quoted about people who “think different”:

“While some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do.”

This comes from “Learning from Leonardo” [da Vinci] in the Time special issue magazine The Science of Creativity.

I will be touching on this idea in coming blog entries.

My literary agent thought the premise of my memoir Left of the Dial was “Enjoy your quirkiness.”

That sums up how to approach living life when you think differently and see things differently.

The fact is those of us who are creative could be viewed as being “misfits.” There’s a mis-fit between how we operate and how most people go about living their lives.

Which is precisely why I titled the memoir Left of the Dial: you need to have self-acceptance and go along in your merry way. Especially when other people don’t understand you.

In reality people who are afraid to dare to be different are secretly envious of those of us who have the courage to take this risk.

I say: All hail the misfits, the freaks, the rebels, the lefties.

And all hail the people who conform. Either way the world needs more love and compassion and less judging.

I recommend you buy and read The Science of Creativity magazine.

My stance is that everyone can be creative:

Accountants who crunch numbers. Folk singers at a coffeehouse. Customer Service Reps.

In fact I don’t like to use the word freak. This is because those of us who don’t conform most like don’t see anything different about ourselves.

We go along quite content inspired by whatever muse urges us to create.

I’ll end here with this:

If you want to succeed in life be creative in your own way.

The joy of self-expression is the ultimate remedy for pain.

What’s Right

4 converse

The Accidental Icon blogger Lyn Slater defines rightness as: “The quality or state of being true.”

The word rightness: “Allows us to be in charge.” We take the reigns as well as the reins.

In alignment with Slater I’ve posted my own parade of Converse sneakers:

From left to right: colorful Mara Hoffman – Missoni stripes – navy blue – hot pink ballet.

My rightness has been having the courage to say: “This is it–no more jeans.”

It’s heretic to tell readers this yet I don’t like wearing jeans.

Blue jeans are supposed to be the Great Equalizer–a democratic wardrobe item because everyone wears them.

Only I wear denim at most once a week. What is right for each of us is unique to who we are.

The trick with jeans is to pair them with a sharp blouse or a better jacket.

Part of throwing off the shackles of guilt is to embrace your quirks.

Your “rightness” can change over the years.

Rightness is a state of mind as well as sartorial bent.

What’s right in your life? Find it and express it honestly.

Whether it’s flaunting a pair of shoes or curating a mood:

A woman has the right to be true blue in her own inimitable fashion.

Let Love Rule

It’s time to Let Love Rule like the Lenny Kravitz song title tells us to do.

Dwelling on the negative and consuming a steady diet of horror stories in news articles and Op-Ed pieces only serves to harm your mental health.

There’s a lot of hate in the world coming from all sides. The haters have been given a platform in the media.

I have no doubt that hate corrodes the soul of the hater as much as it damages the person they hate.

In my blog I’ve decided to focus on what I’m for instead of preaching about what I’m against.

I take great inspiration from the Accidental Icon blogger Lyn Slater.

She marries her fashion philosophy with enlightened thinking about social issues.

If you ask me we need to position recovery as an act of mental health justice.

Other words have preceded the word justice: food justice, social justice, environmental justice, and so on.

While I’m committed to these other forms of leveling the playing the field in society my prime focus is on mental health.

You can find inflammatory click-bait writing in newspapers online if that is your think and thing.

Be a committed citizen.

We live in an often sad and angry world. Where the old guard of those in power are spreading misinformation under the banner of alternative facts. In an attempt to hold on to their control.

Understand this dynamic. When it’s gotten you down I hope my blog can be the positive prescription for taking time to enjoy yourself.

Read the news should you be able to. Think for yourself about what’s going on and how to treat other people.

In my blog I seek to offer a remedy to the hate: joy, love, peace, and understanding.

In the coming blog entry I’ll talk about my solution.

I’m a fifty-four year old woman living through “the change” of life.

I have things to say and I’m not going to be afraid to say them.

This is what I know to be true:

To forgive is to heal. To love is to live.

Being More With Less

My new favorite blog is Courtney Carver’s.

She is the woman who edited her clothing choices to 33 items used every 3 months.

I’ll link to her website at the bottom of this blog entry.

Her latest writing is about the Italian ethic of Dolce Far Niente or sweetness of doing nothing.

I’m proud to be Italian American.

Before Carver scheduled time every so often to do nothing in her own words she:

“Ran at an unsustainable pace, multi-tasking my way through the day and enjoying or being present for very little of it.”

That’s exactly what happened in my own life.

Everything changes when you go through “the change.” This is no exaggeration.

Sometimes you need time by yourself to rest and recharge your batteries.

I get what Carver is saying.

More imperative is what she outlines as the Truth:

“Recognize the difference between nothing and numbing.”

“Escaping your busy life with substances and activities that help you numb out does the opposite of intentionally doing nothing.”

Right said Courtney.

In coming blog entries I’m going to talk about my own strategies I’m adopting as a way to Be More with Less.

My new mantra is Go Slow to Move Forward.

Rush, rush, rushing around isn’t good for a person’s mental health. Slowing down and pacing yourself is the solution.

Coco Chanel told women to look at ourselves in the mirror and take off one thing before leaving the house.

I say remove one item from your to-do list before you leave the house in the morning. Better yet remove two items.

Women shouldn’t have to keep doing double the work to only wind up getting half as far.

Won’t you join me and Courtney Carver in enjoying Dolce Far Niente–the sweetness of doing nothing?

Be More with Less blog

Spring Cleaning 2019

Spring arrives in only two days.

The weather in New York City is going to get better–the meteorologist promises.

In keeping with the theme of cleaning out your closet I want to recommend one genius option for storing things: the InterMetro storage rack that’s on sale as of this week from the Container Store online.

Two years ago I bought the InterMetro storage rack to hold more clothes and a trio of hat boxes on the bottom shelf.

Though I’m only five feet tall I was able to assemble this nifty item on my own. I put it together on the floor and lifted it up and wheeled it to where I wanted to keep it.

It doesn’t cheer me that I have a ton of clothes.

Only the storage rack with the canvas cover can give you extra room for your clothes. You can buy an extra shelf to insert at the top or bottom of this rack.

I still haven’t discovered the remedy for storing pocketbooks so that they’re easily viewed for quick choosing and using.

Taking photos of the pocketbooks can help. Otherwise when they’re not stored out in the open you tend to forget which ones you have.

I’ll have to think about the pocketbook dilemma more and report back in here on a solution.