confidence – Left of the Dial

One way to defy the womanly norms expected of us in the patriarchy is to dress to please ourselves. No man is worth starving ourselves and becoming precariously thin for.

In coming blog entries I’ll talk about weight again. In here I’m going to write about real life-affirming self-care.

Years ago I thought the Visual Therapy Style Quiz was fascinating. Then I became disillusioned with it as I wasn’t satisfied with the outcome.

At the time it was like I was going through an existential fashion crisis by wondering what my style type was and should be.

Enter Allison Bornstein and her Three Word Method. She advocates that your Style is found by examining the clothes already hanging in your closet.

After two weeks I figured out my three words were Chic Quirky Confident.

Sartorial self-care can be the most joyous form of loving, accepting, and nurturing our authentic selves–and bodies at the weight we are today.

As a 200-pound woman when you dress sharp not only can you feel better you can inspire other 200-pound women to feel good and be confident in their bodies.

Having clothing confidence is not frivolous and isn’t shameful. The way to like ourselves is to dress in the ways that make us happy.

I for one don’t follow fashion trends unless I truly like the color or clothing items being touted.

When dressing up gives us such joy and happiness no one else should be judging us for liking fashion.

Turning to a clothing rack when the going gets tough can really be a form of self-care that sustains us.

In fact it can help us feel better when we’re not rail-thin!

venus williams

Last week Venus WIlliams wrote an article in the New York Times about the 3 factors in obtaining confidence.

When you don’t feel good about yourself and your prospects it can be hard to have confidence.

At 53 I haven’t yet gotten what I wanted. My love and literary prospects haven’t panned out yet. Operative word in the last sentence: yet.

Venus Williams is on to something when she eschewed setting goals in favor of asking yourself: “Do I feel good?” This makes perfect sense to me.

The question “Do I feel good?” is relevant to whether you succeed.

The Dark Horse authors whose book I wrote about in the Flourish blog think achieving success doesn’t lead to happiness–it’s the pursuit of fulfillment that makes you happy.

Again, it’s the process not the outcome that counts.

Which ultimately reinforces my perpetual claim that fashion isn’t frivolous. If you feel good, you’re empowered to take on the world.

In terms of the fashion freedom I hinted at in a recent blog entry I don’t think you can feel good in ill-fitting clothes that aren’t becoming on you.

To know your style and flaunt it guarantees you will be a success in whatever you do.

If you don’t feel good–about what you’re wearing; about the people you’re working with; about an aspect of yourself or your life–you have the power to change this.

This is the truth: you can be happy even when you haven’t achieved the goals you set for yourself. Venus Williams is right and she’s a champion: the goals are irrelevant.

In the coming blog entry I’ll talk about living for today, which is the ultimate method for feeling good.