Tunde Truisms

The author of the book above is on the cover of the October/November issue of Women’s Health. I received the magazine two days ago. This weekend I checked her book out of a library. I recommend you buy the guide.

Her SPEAK manifesto is shorthand for Surrender Power Empathy Authenticity Knowledge.

Tunde tells readers to “lead with empathy.” She recounts her struggle with not liking her muscular arms.

Tunde is a Peloton bike instructor who reaches 20,000 cyclists in her motivational workout sessions. She is a face of Revlon cosmetics and a Nike apparel athlete.

Tunde’s book and the pep talks she gave in it touched me. I have the opposite experience of Tunde and other young women. I didn’t think I had to conform or should choose to conform to have other teens accept me.

By the time I was only 6 years old I was bullied. At the same time I was taught my ABCs I learned that the other kids didn’t like me. An outsider from that early age I had no one I thought I should impress.

Often I read first-person accounts of women who tried to starve themselves thin to fit in or get others to like them. They had body image issues like Tunde.

It is not a compliment it’s racist and insulting to tell a person like Tunde: “You’re pretty for a Black girl” or “You’d be pretty if you lost weight.”

I had no admirers either secret ones or others who gave me comments like that.

As for Tunde’s take on Authenticity I’ll get at her abiding belief in my own words: “When you show up as yourself great things happen.”

Secrecy breeds shame. Hiding who you are–and keeping in a closet the parts of yourself you think no one will like or approve of–causes ill health.

My mother doesn’t understand how I could’ve recovered from the bullying in a way where I don’t often think or talk of it. Yet the reality was 6-year old girls had already become bullies and I was their target. Up until I turned 14 and went to a different school.

This treatment should have been the tip-off that as an adult I’d be attacked for speaking out to say that recovery is possible.

Whether it’s from racism like Tunde experienced, ageism, mental or physical illness, political division or anything else we struggle with my mission in this lifetime is to promote recovery and healing.

In the coming blog entry I’ll review the second book I checked out of the library: True Style is What’s Underneath: The Self-acceptance Revolution.

A chip is not the kind of accessory we should be carrying on our shoulder. We each of us have the power to change our lives for the better regardless of our circumstance.

It starts when we take to heart the Tunde-isms in SPEAK and begin speaking up for ourselves.

The subtitle tells it all: Get from where you are to where you want to be. Like Tunde I believe it’s possible to do this.

New Freedom Fight

Today October 7, 2023 has been designated Let Freedom Read Day.

As a professional librarian I’ve unwittingly become what author Ibram X. Kendi calls a Freedom Fighter.

I wrote before in a blog entry here that our constitutional right to free speech has become illegal in Texas, Florida, and multiple other states.

Book banning is only the tip of this censorship iceberg.

I urge you to consider getting a library card and checking out books to your heart’s content.

In the 1950s John Lewis the former elected leader of Georgia was 16 and went to the local public library to get a library card.

He was told Black persons couldn’t get a library card. This likely provoked him to become a civil rights activist.

Sixty years later Lewis published a book that won the National Book Award–our nation’s highest literary honor.

It’s chilling to me the history of how Black persons were not allowed to get library cards.

Which is why I urge everyone of all colors and creeds to get a library card. You will likely need to show ID and proof of current address to sign up for one.

I’ve checked out over 2,500 items with my library card. So I’ve become a Power User. I received a black aluminum Power User water bottle and an ivory Power User tote bag.

Plus a silver library card with the Power User label on it.

This program is for individuals with a Brooklyn Public Library card.

I’ve read the banned books New Kid and Between the World and Me.

My reading history is curious.

Unlike if I were a young kid in Texas or Florida whose parent didn’t want them to read books about Black history–not the American history that excluded Black experience–I had the opposite thing happen.

In the sixth grade I fell in love with reading Little House on the Prairie books.

When I entered seventh grade my mother forbid me to read them again. She told me I could only read teen and adult books.

I was a 13-year old white girl and checked out Nikki Giovanni poetry books then.

This gets at the quote in the Hip-Hop blog entry where I quoted Big Sean.

The artist spoke about not allowing other people to dictate how he felt about himself.

His quote mirrored the famous Eleanor Roosevelt quote: “No one can make you feel inferior without your permission.”

The media darlings use hateful and hurtful rhetoric that only serves to sow division not unite Americans for our common good: that good being the healing and recovery from what’s going on.

More than a culture war going on I’ve coined the term “shame war” to talk about how people attack and label others.

We cannot continue to internalize shame.

How could reading about Critical Race Theory cause a teenager to feel ashamed. That’s what the parents think who try to ban books.

Whoever we are we should not allow ourselves to feel ashamed.

Reading books is an act of self-development. It’s a free college of knowledge when you check books out of a public library.

Teenagers are being denied the right to read books and to think for themselves about what they’re reading.

It’s a slippery slope America is going down.

We cannot give up on ourselves and our future.

First the right to read whatever we want is taken away.

Segueing into causing young people to give up on reading altogether.

Please I urge readers to get a library card and check out books to read.

Today multiple libraries across the U.S. no longer impose late fees.

As long as you return any item the late fee will be waived.

Come on join the new Freedom Fight.

Read all the books you want about whatever topic you want.

Life Lessons from Hip-Hop

I’m a 58-year old white woman who played Run DMC Public Enemy and DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince on my FM radio show when I was a disc jockey in the 1980s.

In the 1990s I marched to the beat of Queen Latifah singing “U-N-I-T-Y.”

That was the extent of my love affair with rap music.

So when I checked out of the library Life Lessons from Hip-Hop- it was an unlikely contender for the best self-help book I’ve ever read.

The rappers who were interviewed said things that mirrored how I’ve felt in their own words.

So I bought the book to read again. To get readers to buy the book I’ll quote the prime insights from 2 Hip-Hop artists.

Please I implore followers to listen to what they say.

I respect any artists who use their emotional energy to tell stories that can move readers listeners and audience members to action and compassion.

In Big Sean: Talk to Someone

“I realized that the only way somebody can affect how I’m feeling is if I give them permission to make me feel like that.”

In Pharrell Williams: Be Empathic

“Empathy is the skeleton key to any room…It’s the number-one thing we need before love. Because if you have no empathy, then you can’t even get to why you should love someone else.

That goes for the one you marry, the one you hate, your parents, your children, strangers.

If you have no empathy, it’s not possible for you to like and definitely not possible for you to love.”

Liking Ourselves At Any Age

Liking ourselves at any age comes down to not believing the lies about our worth.

About how inferior we are and that if we only buy a product / do what other people tell us to do / conform to how everyone else acts and lives we’ll be accepted and adored.

Our need to feel like we belong is likely hard-wired in our human nature.

Through a series of interactions with other women I’ve come to learn life lessons about letting go of the need for other people’s approval.

One time was when I went to a funeral and was talking with a female mourner in the viewing room. I could see the makeup coming through on her face.

You saw the makeup as it was obvious she had makeup on.

Right then I chose to have a fresh face in a room full of women spackled with makeup.

In the photo taken above this weekend the sole makeup I have on is Sephora Collection matte black waterproof eyeliner and the Valentino Rosso purple lipstick Unconventional Babe.

Like Alicia Keys initiated in her #NoMakeup hashtag I’ve come to be okay with my natural face. The tube of MAC foundation lies unopened in the train case.

I think that what a person eats and drinks and the moderate exercise they do can do more for their beauty than a miracle cream.

Turning 58 I saw that wanting to have a flawless face or body forever is a fool’s errand..

You really don’t know how you look in other people’s eyes.

The people who care about you won’t care that you don’t look like a famous actress.

I’ve stopped caring what people think of me. That is their issue not ours when they judge people.

Find your merry band of friends to hang out with instead. They’ll cherish you when nobody else does.

The new cat’s eye frames I’m wearing are Kate Spade eyeglasses. I wear them all the time.

The men haven’t come knocking. So I’m not trying to impress them or anyone else.

I no longer look at my face in the bathroom mirror like I’m staring in a microscope.

What do you say?

Isn’t it time to like ourselves and be our own best friends?

I recommend you do what I did and pre-order the Lyn Slater (Accidental Icon) book How to Be Old. It comes out in March and is destined to give more insight than I could here.

She’s 70 years old. Proof that age is just a number.

Jay-Z Brooklyn and Me

I’ve been caught up in the fever of collecting 13 Jay-Z library cards.

Brooklyn Public Library is giving to anyone who meets criteria like living in, working or going to school and paying taxes in New York State the chance to collect 13 Jay-Z library cards. Show valid ID and proof and you can collect the cards as souvenirs.

The front of each card features an image from a Jay-Z album cover. I’ve been caught up in the fever and have collected all 13 cards.

My favorite is–you guessed it–the one with the three red bars (like stripes!) from the Blueprint 3 album shown above. I’ve always been drawn to wearing stripes too.

Different cards are available at clusters of neighborhood library branches throughout Brooklyn.

The Book of HOV Jay-Z exhibit can be viewed for free at the Central Library in Brooklyn until October.

The Jay-Z library card promotion has been a way to bring people together who ordinarily wouldn’t interact with each other.

Brooklynites from Brownsville come to Bensonhurst to get one of the cards. Residents of Sunset Park go to East New York to get a limited-edition card.

The camaraderie has been contagious among folk on the hunt for all 13 cards.

In the end this restores my faith in humanity and in people coming together united for a common good.

See the design of each card on the Brooklyn Public Library website.

My goal is to return to posting blog entries here at least once per week.

Stay tuned.

Hip-Hop and Hope at 58

The photo was taken after my 58th birthday. See: the royal purple Adidas Gazelles I’m wearing. Wherever I go people comment that they love those sneakers.

Over the weekend I watched on Channel 7 a celebration of the 50th Anniversary of Hip-Hop.

I played Run-DMC on air when I was a disc jockey on FM radio from 1985 to 1987 in college.

In a segment on the TV show a video showed Run-DMC taking off their “three stripe” sneakers at a concert and waving the Adidas in the air.

Fans in the audience took off their sneakers and held them up too. From then on Adidas gave the rappers a licensing deal. Run-DMC recorded a song “My Adidas.”

I refrain from buying Nike products after reading the memoir The Longest Race by a female athlete who exposed the wrongdoings of the famous coach who ruled an elite Nike running team she trained on for the Olympics.

I prefer Adidas because I’m taken in with “the three stripe life” motto. Finding the purple Gazelles was heaven. Purple is my favorite color.

I don’t know that Adidas has been accused of scandals the way Nike has.

To end here I’ll say that unlike critics of hip-hop I think rap music is great because it’s “true to the game” of how people live on the street. It’s real-life music that gives everyone the chance to author their destiny. No matter where they start out.

Hip-hop is self-expression at its most exultant. The fact that hip-hop is a global phenom that has gone from the Bronx to Berlin and all over the world is a testament to how “People have the Power” to change their lives for the better through music. In turn empowering listeners to dream big.

Give me the three stripe life any day. How far will my Gazelles take me? As far as I can go–and I want to go far. I choose to get excited at every new birthday.

You have no idea when you’re 22 how your life will turn out. Heck–you don’t think of 58 when you’re in your twenties.

I wouldn’t change anything that happened to me along the way to getting here. In the end hip-hop is about hope–and I’ve always been about giving others hope that you can have a better life after adversity. Even while living in hardship that hasn’t gone away you can find something to smile about.

Hip-hop is that cheerleader for millions.

We can’t give up the fight to create the world we want to see. We owe a debt to the founders of hip-hop for changing the world for the better for their adoring fans who see themselves reflected in the music.

One rapper had been scratching by the time he was 4 years old. At 15 he was signed as the opening act for Run-DMC on their worldwide tour. A true American success story.

Here’s to another 50 years!

Sparking a Life of Joy

I’ve become obsessed with Marie Kondo’s ethic of doing what sparks joy.

In my view everyone can life a life of joy, meaning, purpose, and passion.

Even if our circumstances are less than ideal I say: do what sparks joy for you.

I’m saying ‘no’ to busywork and ‘no’ to doing backbreaking work at my job.

The idea that ANY of us should endure burnout on the job just because we have to pay rent and bills is bullshit.

The six root causes of burnout are factors linked to how management treats employees.

I say: do whatever you can to do things that spark joy on the job and off the job.

In a coming blog entry I will talk about how I decided what kind of life I actually want.

Skin in the Game

After reading the above book I coined the term Bite of Life as in taking a Bite of Life.

For Beauty Individuality Truth and Empathy. This is what I believe in.

My view runs counter to the Dermalogica founder author. She doesn’t like and use the word beauty. I beg to differ.

Seeing beauty in the ordinary–in the broken; in the struggle; in the people, places, and things no one else deems beautiful–is a gift each of us can give each other.

What I seek to do is Celebrate Life by dressing up; by making art out of the everyday; by spreading joy and optimism in a world full of despair.

Read Skin in the Game to get a shot of confidence. Jane Wurwand’s life story could be any of ours with a twist. She had a failed first marriage by the age of 21–and things could’ve gotten worse.

Wurwand is living proof of what I’ve written before that where you start out is not where you have to remain.

That ambition born of altruism is the right way to lead in business and in life.

Wurwand references Madam C.J. Walker in Skin in the Game. How could she not. Walker was a radical beauty entrepreneur in her time.

Reading Skin in the Game I thought: “She could do it. So can I.”

Though I checked the book out of the library I recommend you buy it. It’s worth taking the gems of advice to heart.

You want to conquer a market. Or succeed in any venture. Be kind and care about people.

That’s what Wurwand made her mission as the founder of a skincare line that grossed $1Million in its first year in 1986.

How to Date Your Wardrobe

How to Date Your Wardrobe is a gift book hardcover packed with ideas and insight.

Page 79 sums up author Heather Newberger’s ethic:

“Instead of wasting your time wishing you were a different person, it’s important for all of us to let go of who we think we should be–so that we may enjoy the individuals we already are.”

This sentence has haunted me as it gets at what I’ve been reckoning with in my life. As hard as it can be to act true to ourselves in a society where you’ve expected to conform, I say being who you are is the only way to succeed in life.

The new electric purple lipstick I bought tells it like I am: The shade is called Unconventional Babe.

As sixty beckons for a lot of us it’s the time to do things differently. I recommend trying out a new haircut or taking up a hobby like cooking or starting to exercise.

It’s the perfect time to date your wardrobe and “revive, revitalize, and reinvigorate your style” like Heather Newberger advocates.

Simply creating new outfits has improved my outlook and given me incomparable joy.

Forget following fashion trends. If you don’t feel comfortable in what you’re wearing you won’t feel good or look good either.

I bought this book and refer to it often.

It’s my contention that when things aren’t going right in your life doing what comes easy to you that you like doing will save you from sinking into despair.

In one instant I changed my thinking. Talking about clothes and fashion isn’t frivolous when doing so can lift up others.

Men are not given grief for talking about and following sports.

Why should women be tsk-tsked for talking about dressing up and enjoying clothes?

I tell you it was liberating to get rid of the donation bags.

When you finally own only what you love to wear it makes getting dressed easier.

Seeing those beauties in my closet puts a smile on my face.

Read How to Date Your Wardrobe. Doing so you just might realize that changing your view of yourself can be as simple as changing what you wear.

Wallet Activism

The above book is the best of its kind that should be required reading by everyone in America.

The author talks about effective ways to tackle pressing issues like climate change and runaway consumerism.

In my life I choose not to travel long distances on airplanes that use fossil fuels. That’s the way I have of making a difference.

The second thing I’ve done is that I don’t eat meat. Not only for health reasons I do it because of the impact of CAFO slaughterhouses on the environment and degrading treatment of the workers there.

The third prime thing I do is to not shop on impulse. I hold onto the clothes I buy for at least five years or longer.

This year I’m going to retire the winter coat I’ve had for 11 years. Hopefully I can find a 100 percent wool coat this fall.

In the last 3 years I’ve donated 15 bags of clothes to the Salvation Army. The reality is most donated clothing winds up in a landfill in Ghana, Africa after being sold to resellers there.

My goal is to only buy clothes I’ll wear until they’re no longer wearable. Instead of accumulating un-wise buys I bring home that I rarely wear.

Cue the violins for the items I call “1990s office worker” shirts that I’m tossing in a new donation bag.

They. Are Not. Who I Am Today.

I turn 58 this spring. On a kick I am to upend the status quo.

Two years shy of 60 if you’re like me you’ll be reassessing everything in your life.

We’re getting closer to what I call the This is It! decade.

With my time here on Earth getting shorter I don’t want to waste my time money energy or effort on things that don’t positively impact my life or other people’s lives.

I’ll end here by saying that none of us should fear becoming older. Or fear speaking out on the things that matter to us.

The author of Wallet Activism revealed that the ban on plastic straws adversely effected individuals with disabilities. A lot of whom cannot use a paper straw to drink.

The list goes on of “green” practices that aren’t really effective when scrutinized further.

Read Wallet Activism and decide for yourself what measures you want to and can take to protect our Planet–and more than that the People living on our Planet.