Category: Uncategorized

See Who We Are

I don’t understand the hate in society–I don’t think I ever will.

My literary agent responded to me years ago with her take on privilege and arrogance:

“Americans love to be rich enough to abuse their freedoms.”

The President had the police force use tear gas and rubber bullets against peaceful protestors to get them off the street.

Why?

So he could walk to St. John’s Episcopal church to hold up a Bible for a photo op.

Using the Bible as a prop to win votes dishonors Christians who are opposed to racism.

People voted Mr. Toupee into office solely because he’s anti-abortion.

It’s funny how unborn babies are deemed to have rights.

Black Americans already living don’t have the right to breathe air according to those in power.

Mr. Toupee–who hasn’t condemned George Floyd’s death–is not fit for re-election.

People across America are outraged–and our President holds up a Bible.

President Obama had faults. Yet while in office he would have spoken out against George Floyd’s death. He did this today in a newspaper editorial.

It’s scary that people believe Mr. Toupee when he calls the news FAKE.

How curious that Mr. Toupee who endorsed Republican Dan Donovan for U.S. congress remained silent when Max Rose a Democrat won the race. Two years ago Max Rose toppled decades of Republican rule in that district.

I’m no fan of any political party in the U.S. I align with the Green Party because of their stance on legalizing marijuana.

In every presidential election New York State goes Democratic. So this is why I vote for Green Party candidates. Most of whom are People of Color.

Sadly as I’ve said before in this blog I don’t think the U.S. government can cure societal ills.

My contention is that “People Have the Power” to quote the Patti Smith song title.

One person doing the right thing to help another person is how change starts.

In coming blog entries I want to tell stories about my life. To illustrate themes about why I feel so strongly about injustice.

In this blog a couple of years ago I wrote:

“See who I am not who you think I am.”

That too many Americans can’t see beyond skin color to the person inside is a crying shame.

Happy Birthday Spring Babies!

We are in the month dubbed Sprouting Grass Moon in the cycle of nature.

The idea of new growth and the greening of Earth sparks in me the hope that change is possible.

As I turn 55 I’m struck that self-care and more rightly so self-nurturing [as a form of compassion for yourself] is the way to go post-50 [or at any time in your life really].

It can be a challenge on a regular day to press the square button to pause the frenetic pace. I make the case for doing so no matter what.

In this time of crisis I haven’t been a saint in terms of self-care. Nor in terms of budgeting.

I thought: 55 is a big deal. It’s more of a milestone than 50 ever was. That’s because you’re halfway to 60.

For better or worse a person can face a new trial while living in menopause. This is the reason self-care becomes a necessity not a luxury at mid life.

Your life won’t wait for you. It’s moving on. Far better to move along with it.

Resisting change is futile in this era.

The motto as I’ve stated in here before [like a caterpillar to a butterfly] is:

Change or die.

Those are brave somewhat harsh words yet oh-so-true.

Who will you be tomorrow?

A more beautiful loving person when you take time out for yourself today.

Happy Birthday spring babies!

Plenty of Fish-y

I haven’t found Mr. Right. Nor have I found Mr. Almost Right. And I haven’t found Mr. Not-Right-Yet-I’ll-Take-Him Anyway.

Yes I’ve tried–OKCupid, Chemistry, How About We, Plenty of Fish, eHarmony, and Match–I’ve tried them all.

I only met one guy in person. He was a personal trainer yet curiously wasn’t certified as a personal trainer.

In his profile photos he had black hair. In person he had gray hair. So his photos were 10 years old.

His online requirement was that he sought to meet:

“An intelligent woman who loves life and likes to laugh.”

Though I fit this criteria he wasn’t interested in me. He acted like I was a charity case–like he was doing me a favor sending me messages.

To meet him in person I wore a sleeveless denim dress with an ombre hem and cut-out back like a keyhole. I had on navy-strap platform sandals.

His idea of “intelligent” involved reading James Patterson novels.

This date took  place 3 years ago. It’s the only time I’ll spill details about a person.

After I met this guy the better highlight of that day was shopping at a fish market to pick up dinner.

It pays to stock up on plenty of fish in your refrigerator when you dine alone.

I turn 55 in the spring and will be treating myself to a birthday feast for dinner in my apartment.

Complete with a new set of flatware, dishes, and cloth napkin.

And yes a lobster tail should I be able to get one.

Serve yourself. Don’t wait for a mate.

Get dolled up and dine like you’re in a restaurant when you’re at home.

 

Acting Grateful in a Time of Crisis

New York is the epicenter of the COVID-19 outbreak.

To be safer I’m risking going outside only twice a week.

Walking outside I was suddenly grateful like I hadn’t ever been before for things I took for granted:

In 1999 I moved to Brooklyn when it wasn’t popular to do so. I wasn’t guilty of gentrifying a neighborhood by moving there.

I’m grateful that no one wanted to move to this area. It’s mercifully free of hipsters and multi-million apartment high-rises like in Williamsburg.

I was not ever as grateful as I was this week to be able to walk a long, long distance to and from a food market.

Grateful for my 2 feet that I can use to walk wherever I want to go.

Grateful for the air I breathe.

Grateful for the organic food I could find in the market.

Grateful that I had lifted weights for the last 9 years.

This gave me the strength to carry 2 tote bags filled with 50 pounds each of groceries.

I was also grateful that a woman asked if I wanted help carrying the bags. Even though her face was not covered.

“No thanks,” I told her.

I was also grateful to be able to use a spare orange bandanna to cover my nose and mouth diagonally.

You’re not supposed to buy masks. This diverts the masks from medical staff.

I was the only one on the street wearing a colorful bandanna as a face mask.

It matched the orange FreshDirect tote bags I carried. An unintended fashion statement.

It was a scary experience having to breathe through a bandanna.

That’s when I was suddenly grateful for the air around me.

I tell readers everywhere:

Live with gratitude. Take nothing for granted.

Live for today. You don’t know when it will be gone.

Going Broke Buying iTunes Music

My job shut down. I cannot go outside without maintaining 6 feet of social distancing. To go to a mailbox I walked in the middle of the street rather than on the sidewalk.

The number-one goal as I see it in this time of crisis is to eat healthful food as consistently as possible. To do this refrain from buying snacks in the first place.

It’s imperative too to protect and sustain your mental health.

Research proves that listening to music can boost a person’s mood.

In this time of sheltering in place I’ve turned on the radio at 9:00 in the morning. The radio has been going until 9:00 at night.

Only Alt 92.3 FM (available everywhere via the radio.com app) rotates the same 1990s alternative songs over and over.

Thus I find myself going broke buying iTunes music for my new computer.

This is the hazard of being cooped up in your apartment all day and night.

The music on Alt 92.3 FM IS okay most of the time.

Three songs rotated on this radio station I can recommend listening to:

“Charlie” by Mall Rat.

The new Killers song “Caution.”

“Coffee for Your Head”–a tune about cheering up a depressed person.

In this time of staying indoors I recommend listening to music to sustain your mental health.

Refrain from watching negative news reports all day every day.

I happen to live in New York State which has the highest recorded cases of CO-VID19 in the U.S. This pandemic is no joke so I won’t go outside unless I absolutely must.

The music cheers me up. It might cheer you up too.

The Beauty of Individuality

The online Merriam Webster definition of stigma is “a mark of shame or discredit.”

I’m not keen to use the term stigma to describe what is in effect a lack of compassion for people who are different, who might not look like you, who might have an illness.

Too often the word stigma is framed as the cause of people not seeking help for mental health issues.

My memoir Left of the Dial chronicles my own fear of not being normal.

In 2020 I would like to be part of the solution to what’s going on in the world.

For too long narrow-mindedness has ruled in society.

I can identify with individuals who were subjected to “conversion therapy.”

I can relate to people who were told to conform and give up their dream of being an artist.

What I’d really like to do is contribute to the dialog about how to heal from stigma.

No one should feel guilty or ashamed because they don’t fit the mold of what other people think is acceptable.

It’s so easy to fall into the trap of internalizing this stigma.

On the cusp of 55 I’ve decided to promote individuality as the remedy.

The only way to succeed in life is to be who you are not who others would like you to be.

In coming blog entries I’m going to talk about the beauty of individuality in more detail.

Choosing to Be Grateful

In this gloomy weather I find that having an attitude of gratitude imbues my life with hope for the future.

Every other day I write down 5 things I’m grateful for in my grateful journal.

It’s a hardbound spiral journal that I write entries in.

First I reread the last two or three selections. Then I write a new entry.

A research study reveals that keeping a grateful journal can help a person ward off blue feelings. It might have even halted people from being depressed.

Gathering around the Thanksgiving or other holiday table  you’re bound to interact with people that don’t share your worldview.

I’ve found that the remedy is keep my cool and talk about other things.

I’m too jaded to think that anyone in our government–not Liberal Democrat Republican or Conservative–can help ordinary Americans and do the right thing for everyone on the planet as well.

The part of Thanksgiving that I can accept celebrating is the “giving thanks” part of the holiday.

I’m grateful to be happy and healthy and healed. I’m grateful for every experience I’ve had–good and not-so-good. I’m grateful for everyone I’ve met along the way in my life.

One change–it could be called the fourth changeover–had the most impact on my happiness.

In recent months I’ve been able to make peace with reality and to make peace with other people.

What I’m able to do now is to understand that there’s no “right” or “wrong.”

I am who I am. You are who you are. Others are who they are.

The goal as I see it is to give each other a wide latitude to express ourselves.

What alarms me is that there are people who think the government can actually help them. They have fixed beliefs about Mr. Toupee and about everyone else who has been elected to serve us.

So–they sharpen their knives and cut you to pieces along with the turkey.

I turn 55 soon. The older I get I’ve come to believe that compassion is called for.

We must have compassion for the haters, for those who are less fortunate, for people who have done us wrong, for ourselves if we feel poorly about something we did.

Having compassion for others who don’t think, believe, act, live, and identify the same way you do is what’s needed in this often sad and angry society we live in.

My therapist is fond of saying that everyone being different makes the world interesting.

I’m grateful that there’s no other person like me walking down the street.

And yes–I’m grateful to live in America in a city where I’m free to walk down that street.

Those of us who benefit in the world should be doing things to help people who haven’t had any advantage.

This is the message I bring to you in this season:

Choose to love. Choose to be grateful. Choose to do your own thing without fear.

 

 

Changeover #3

As I head along on the road to another birthday I’ve made one other change: Cutting the crap out of my life.

Refusing to fall prey to the hateful rhetoric advanced in “click-bait” news articles on the internet.

Choosing to walk on the sunny side of the street. Instead of dwelling on what’s not right in the world.

As the ability of our elected officials to govern ethically is going down the toilet I have no trust that anyone in Washington will come together to help ordinary Americans.

So–I will not talk about Mr. Toupee and his ilk.

I can only tell you that I’m impressed with Andrew Yang–the Democratic candidate. He gets my vote for President should he make it to the primary.

No–I just say no to Joe Biden. It’s because the former Vice President has stated that he thinks marijuana should remain illegal. I prey–prego as Italians would say–that Joe Biden is not elected president.

This is the end of my screed about politics.

As I’ve written, my life improved when I cut the crap out of my reading matter. Cutting the crap out of what I eat has helped too. Cutting the crap out of my relationships has changed things for the better too.

Our government is a circus–yet it’s a dangerous clown act. There isn’t a clown car big enough to fit all the Bozos with the power to screw up America for ordinary Americans and screw up the planet for everyone on it.

So–I chose to dedicate my Left of the Dial blog to positive topics that can empower readers.

I turn 55 in 2020. I will continue to write about my experience as a woman living through “the change.”

Sharing what I’ve learned and what I think along the road to 55 is my version of “What Now.”

Changeover #2

Things change in tiny and big ways when you enter menopause.

One of the humorous shifts for me was that I no longer wanted to wear jeans – denim – dungarees – as a matter of course every day.

They’re supposed to be a democratic fashion item because everyone wears them and likes to wear jeans.

Well I don’t like to wear jeans. I’d rather wear a denim skirt or dress or jacket.

By the time you hit your fifties it’s time to do your own thing not what others tell you that you should do.

What you want to do post-50 and what you were expected all along to do are often at odds.

This is why a lot of women go back to school, ask for a divorce, remodel the kitchen, or embark on other self-reinvention projects.

Like with all things, for me this process started by reexamining my wardrobe.

Out–out went the numerous pairs of jeans. I don’t think I look good in jeans anyway.

It’s so hard to find a pair of jeans that fits perfectly too.

I say: dark-rinse jeans are a better option when you’re going out.

This has been my version of a mid-life crisis: discarding what no longer works. Making room for new things.

The changeover for me started with getting rid of the denim jeans

What happens when you get older is that you suddenly realize that what was okay yesterday isn’t okay today.

It’s time for a makeup shake-up as well.

And for those of us who are looking for love at mid-life the stakes can seem higher.

I’ll end here with this:

Do what makes you happy. If that’s wearing jeans, that’s okay.

So much of these changes involving the need to exert power in a world where women have been rendered powerless.

That’s the bottom line in executing changes in menopause:

Talking control of the narrative of who we are and what we’re capable of doing.