La Bella Figura

I talk about la bella figura in Left of the Dial.

Most Italians could think this “beautiful figure” ethic is social theatrics taken to an extreme. They could feel it reflects poorly on their heritage.

Not so. I’m greatly impressed with this Italian trait. In a negative way, it’s when we go to a bridal party and secretly or not-so-secretly assess the kinds of gifts each of us gives: the amount of money, or how much an item cost, or how lavish the item was.

In another way, it’s “acting as if” or “faking it until you make it” before you’ve become successful. In this way, you adopt the behavior and characteristics of successful people, even when you’re just starting out, so that you can fit in and be taken seriously.

It’s la bella figura in action. And I, for one, am proud that this national trait exists. This is a cultural phenomenon that might not have a biological origin. Yet in a positive light embracing the beautiful figure is a way to be able to at ease in the world with other people.

I’m reminded of a woman I met with a diagnosis who told me she does what it takes to appear normal when she’s outside of her house. Observing social protocol is also what got me where I am today. A little bit of la bella figura helped me get taken seriously when it counted.

Acting normal is not the same as acting false to yourself like I railed against in the last blog entry. At certain times, doing what it takes to blend in can help you feel confident. Yet even as I typed this last sentence I can see the expression “be you-nique” is valid too.

I prize originality, whether in thought, fashion or livelihood.

You can most likely Google in quotations “la bella figura” and then type in Italians to get a more detailed report of this national ethic.

Like I said, I see the good in making a beautiful figure in a positive way. I also see the beauty in being your own original self. The marriage of these two ethics can be magnificent.

Ciao.

The Memoir Is Available Now

It was quicker than I expected yet now my memoir Left of the Dial is available on Amazon and will be available elsewhere in about two months.  I expect to have a Kindle e-book version coming out shortly.  You can install a Kindle app on your iPad to download Kindle books to your iPad.

Here’s one review of the book:

“Christina Bruni’s Left of the Dial describes her struggles, achievements, determination and perseverance. Despite being diagnosed with schizophrenia, she weathers the storm, and fights her way through it, earning a masters degree, working full-time as a professional librarian, and becoming a writer and award-winning mental health advocate, using her experiences to aid others. From the outside looking in, her illness is hidden behind her makeup and clothes, but inside she battles with stigma and searches for recognition, love and acceptance. Her story is one of courage. I congratulate Bruni on what she’s accomplished in life and enjoyed her insights and triumphs sewn into her story.”

— Sandra Yuen MacKay, author of My Schizophrenic Life: The Road to Recovery from Mental Illness

Interestingly, my literary agent told me I had nothing to be ashamed of because the memoir was a story of resilience and persistence too. The goal for everyone living on earth is for each of us to not ever feel guilty or ashamed for being who we are and not to feel like we’re inadequate or lacking compared to others.  We must not believe the words of the people who hate and judge us for being different.

I’ve been in remission from schizophrenia for over 22 years.  It’s been decades since I didn’t want to viewed as crazy because I had schizophrenia.  I turn 50 in April and I don’t care what anyone thinks of me anymore.

That’s why I always tell readers in my blog to believe in yourselves when no one else does.  The only power the stigma has over you is the power you give it.

Again: You can buy the book on the Left of the Dial Amazon page right now.

Thank you dear treasured and faithful readers of my blogs for supporting me throughout the years.

Infiniti Auguri:

Endless good wishes to you.

The Eternal Noontime

This is the last memoir excerpt I’ll post here for now. Left of the Dial is set to go on sale on amazon.com and bn.com on January 1st–New Year’s Day–in two days.
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One day Jon and I ventured to Times Square to eat in Red Lobster yet again. It had become our constant meeting place. He liked it because everyone walked through its doors: black, white, Asian, Latino. The two of us were at home in this world and lingered there over our dinners.

We walked along the street as the night settled in. He followed me into Sephora and waited patiently while I had the makeup artist choose a new foundation for my face. It was NARS in a shade called Fiji in a refillable compact. I stayed there pushing up the tubes of lipstick and decided to buy Pigalle, a chocolate pink.

“Okay, glamour girl, let’s go,” he prodded me to get in the long line.

“How wonderful it must be to have a job where you get to wear pretty makeup and give other people makeovers.”

The women at the check-out counter wore hot-pink wigs, and the sole guy rang me up. “No wig?” I asked him, and he laughed.

We headed over to the restaurant and were seated quickly. It had a seaside lobster special that I ordered. Jon ordered the fisherman’s platter. Our waiter started calling him buddy, as in “I’ll get you that right away, buddy” when he asked for a diet soda.

I only drank the tap water when I dined out, and I refilled the glass numerous times. I took out my new pill box: a white oval one with a silver lipstick design on it and two inner compartments. I had collected numerous pill boxes recently. One was a blue ceramic one with the Starry Night scene on it. I also had two large boxes for traveling—the same one in different colors: with silver stars for the morning and with a black mock croc for night.

Truly creative, I felt choosing and using the pill box according to my mood or who I was dining with elevated taking the medication to an art form.

“I got you something.” Jon reached into his pocket and handed me a small box. I opened it and inside was a gold charm with the words: The Best. “You’re the best.” He smiled.

I wanted to wear this beautiful necklace around my neck when people came to view me at my funeral.

“Friends till the end?” he asked.

“Friends till the end,” I said as he crooked my pinky in his.

We tucked into our food when it arrived.

Jon asked me how the manuscript was coming along, and I told him.

“Left of the Dial will make people smile.” He laughed.

“I want it to inspire others. It’s not another hell-and-heartache story, so I don’t know if it will attract a publisher. There’s a name for that trend: misery memoirs.”

“I expect an autographed copy.” He returned to eating his food.

“How’s Sam?” I asked Jon about his fiancé.

“She moved in with me. I might have to move out.” He laughed again. “I have no closet anymore.”

I could understand because I was over at his apartment for a party, and it was cramped. My own apartment had one coat closet in the dining foyer and a small closet in the bedroom. That was the liability of New York City living.

“Do you women really need sixteen pairs of the same black pants?”

He got me, though I wanted to tell him that something always set them apart: the design on the back pocket or the boot-cut or flared leg.

“Would you like dessert, buddy?” The waiter was suddenly back at our table. “How about you?” He turned to face me.

“We’ll get the check,” Jon suggested.

We paid and exited the building into the twilight world. It was as crowded as if it were noon. I took the train with him one stop to Thirty-Fourth Street, where he continued, and I transferred to the F.

I reached into my tote and pulled out a book to read on the trip home. The secret to success on the subway was always having something to read. Oddly, I wasn’t the only one turning pages on the platform and heading into the train.

You put on your game face living with this illness. The other riders wouldn’t have the idea that you have a master’s degree or that you were a public service librarian. You were just another person trying to find your own city Zen.

I wondered about the other riders: what was that woman like under her Calvin Klein suit? Did the guy with a briefcase visit a dominatrix?

The advent of Carroll Street was always good news. I exited the downtown train with my Sephora tote bag and walked down the street like I had somewhere to go.

 

Left of the Dial Amazon Page

Glad Tidings of Cheer To You

I’m glad the year is ending and the Christmas music will soon be gone from the airwaves.

It’s come about that my memoir, Left of the Dial, will go on sale on Amazon and Barnes & Noble online on New Year’s Day: next Thursday.

As a treat, I will post one last memoir excerpt here on Tuesday. On or near January 15th the Kindle e-book version will be available to install on your device: either on a Kindle or an iPad with a Kindle app.

We had lobster for dinner last night and six other fish for the Night of the Seven Fishes. It’s because my nonna, my Italian grandmother, was Neapolitan–from Naples. The Seven Fishes is a Christmas Eve ritual that I wrote about in the memoir.

Glad tidings of cheer to you. A Happy and Healthy New Year.

2015 promises to be a great year. Mark my words: 2015 will be great.

Mix Tape

In the early 1990s you’d make a mix tape of songs you recorded on an old-fashioned cassette tape. You’d meet a person in a club and he’d send you a mix tape of his band.

This was the prelude to a playlist on iTunes.

The chapter titles of Left of the Dial are mostly song titles, and they’re short, catchy titles.

I present here the “mix tape” of the songs should you want a soundtrack to the book. The songs have lyrics that relate to what was going on in my life in the chapters.

Everybody Knows – Leonard Cohen
White Rabbit – Jefferson Airplane
Head Like a Hole – Nine-Inch Nails
Cotton Crown – Sonic Youth
Crazy – Seal
Roadrunner – Modern Lovers
November Spawned a Monster – Morrissey
Hybrid – Siouxsie and the Banshees
Transmission – Joy Division
Too Much – Fetchin’ Bones
Personality Crisis – New York Dolls
Chill Blue – the Chills
Walk On – U2
Just Like Honey – Jesus and Mary Chain
Funky but Chic – David Johansen
Unwell – Matchbox 20
Mysterious Ways – U2
I Wanna Be Sedated – the Ramones
Left of the Dial – the Replacements
London Calling – the Clash
Regret – New Order
Into a Swan – Siouxsie
Wonderwall – Oasis

Grit

It takes grit to persevere in the face of challenges.

How long do you think it took me to conceive of, write and bring to market my memoir Left of the Dial?

13 years. No kidding.

I will shortly in here write other blog entries under the writing life category.

No one, not you nor I nor anyone, should give up on our dreams.

I was sitting in a chair in the waiting area before being called into an interview. A portly guy came over and sat down next to me and asked if I was going on an interview.

“Yes,” I said. He asked me how it was going. “It’s like this,” I said. “You get nine no’s and on the tenth try you get a yes. So you shouldn’t give up.”

He was impressed with my answer. I always thought he was planted there to see how I’d respond to his question. A little paranoia, yet that’s what I thought.

Quitting isn’t an option when it comes to achieving your life’s goals. The things that aren’t supposed to happen you can allow to end or fade from your desire.

Life goals: you must carry on to try to achieve them.

It’s my contention that every one of us was put here on earth in this lifetime to do one thing. When you find out what your one thing is, go after it with gusto.

My mother’s one thing was to drive me to the hospital within 24 hours of my break. My one thing is to publish the memoir.

Your one thing will be a glorious expression of why you were given this life to lead.

So don’t give up the fight to make it happen.

Live your life with a purpose and passion and you won’t regret a minute that you lived.

Making A Left Turn

My question to readers is:

Why should we care about stigma? Why should we live in fear of narrow-minded people judging us for who we are and how we live?

I say: find your tribe. Do your own thing.

Left of the Dial chronicles my early career in the gray flannel insurance field. It was an unwitting detour from the artist’s life in the city that I had wanted to live.

It takes guts. It takes grit. It takes perseverance to arrive at the kind of life that’s perfect for you.

I don’t recommend working at any job that requires a person to have an hour-and-a-half or a two-hour commute each way. That’s inhuman. It gives you no time to establish a fitness routine. It gives you no time to be happy at night to come home for at least an hour to do your own thing.

I realize that the artist types among us are often told: “Be an accountant. Do something practical to earn money.”

I’m here to tell you that you can earn a living doing what you love. Even if you have to work two jobs to afford to pay your rent. So be it. It’s better to be happy than to be miserable.

There are no accidents or coincidences in life. I firmly believe our lives evolve by divine design. It might take a person longer to get to where he or she wants to be. Yet the sweetest victory is often the hardest-won.

Always be hopeful. Not only does hope heal, it carries us through the hard times.

We need to have faith in ourselves. Finding our purpose for being here and then going out and doing that is what the world needs.

The world doesn’t need another person pretending to be someone she’s not just to try to be accepted by others.

Have faith and hope that the tide can turn.

It gets better. Truly life gets better the older you get.

Remember: you don’t have to make yourself miserable in a soul-sucking job just to try to prove you are normal.

There is no normal. Each of us deserves to have a life of our own choosing.

I’ll end her by stating I totally relate to anyone who took a detour in her life because she wanted to prove she was normal.

Yet that’s the quickest route to being unhappy.

A mental illness diagnosis is just a word nothing more than this. It’s just something a person has. It’s a straitjacket on our self-perception only if we let it be one.

Defy the stigma. Do your own thing. You’ll be happier in the long term.

Happy Turkey Or Other Food Day

I’m taking a break from the memoir excerpts this week.

Here too I will thank each and every reader of my blogs for tuning in and posting comments when you’re able.

Whatever food you eat, I hope you enjoy abundance in this harvest season.

More than this, no on should be starved for happiness, companionship and empathy.

Glad tidings to you as you go about your days in this holiday season.

Life Is Beauty Full

On Thanksgiving I will not post a memoir excerpt. I will return to doing this in December.

Today’s blog entry focuses on what I think is a secret to success in life as well as in recovery.

I saw in a store an oversize throw pillow with the words: Life is Beauty Full.

One way it can be is when you remember that you hold in your own hands the keys to changing your life for the better. A secret is to be self-reliant and trust that you can take action to do this. Living through the hard times by embracing the struggle and moving through it with the knowledge that setbacks are often only temporary.

Living your life Left of the Dial involves self-acceptance. You realize you will succeed when you compete only against yourself, because then the playing field is truly level. You own the particular piece of land you’ve designated as that field.

You can get on your field and compete every day to be and do a little better than you were and did yesterday. You compete with whatever strength you’ve got today, knowing that your best will change from day to day. You accept that today is what it is; at the same time, you recognize that tomorrow can be different, can be better, because of the action(s) you take today. If today you fail in your attempt(s), you can have hope for tomorrow, because every day you wake up is a second chance to change your life for the better.

Believe in yourself when it seems no one else does. Cherish and respect and honor the things that make you who you are.

Remember: Live is Beauty Full because you’re in it. It’s Beauty Full because all human beings are beautiful.

God doesn’t make junk.